Frankenfish (DVD)

When it comes to writing a review of any movie, it would be nice to just say whether or not you give it a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down. But there are a lot of things to take into consideration. First of all, the reviewer is human (in most cases, anyway) and is subject to preconceived notions, personal tastes, and even mood. Secondly, some movies are so low-budget and so obviously meant only to entertain, they cannot possibly be held to the same standard as, say, Citizen Kane. Lastly, so many movies are just “OK” it’s nearly impossible to declare it either fresh or rotten on the old Tomato-meter.

Which brings me to Frankenfish. Is it a lousy movie with terrible acting, horrible special effects, and a laughable plot? You bet it is. Do I still recommend it? You bet I do. With caveats, of course – watch it only if you can somehow see it for free (it’s already aired on the Sci-Fi Channel; it comes out on DVD on October 26), and only if you can get into the spirit of a so-bad-it’s-good Z movie.

Frankenfish follows the eating exploits of genetically-engineered snakehead fish (fish that can breathe on land). Their pu-pu platter of choice is people and when the starving school gets let loose in the bayous of Louisiana, the waters run red with blood. When word starts getting around about people disappearing without explanation, “the authorities” send out a young, scantily clad Fish and Wildlife expert and a beer-swilling parish employee to check it out. Away they go, alone in a tiny boat… only to become the catch of the day, along with several Cajun-accented boathouse residents.

For admirers of exotic cats, Frankenfish offers a special treat: there is a scene showing a playful Serval kitten. And for fans of buxom blondes, you’re in luck too: the kitten is frolicking with a naked bimbo, claws coming dangerously close to rupturable implants.

Frankenfish doesn’t pretend to be Shakespeare, but it does have about as many deaths as one of the Bard’s plays. However, these are much more gruesome. Shotgun blasts to heads, eviscerations, limb-ripping, heart-eating and human barbecues are just a few of the methods of dispatch.

The DVD doesn’t have any additional release material.

Reviewed by Staci Layne Wilson