The Canyon DVD Review
The Canyon DVD Review
Watch this… or a giant hole in the ground. Same difference.
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Intelligence is relative. Put a New York Times crossword puzzle in front of me or quiz me on the history of the British monarchy, and I'm a veritable Ken Jennings. But if I see a multiplication table or an unprogrammed VCR, I crumble into Paris Hilton mode.
Common sense, however, is definite… either you've got it, or you don't. Unfortunately, the lead characters in this film don't have the sense of loose change — lost in the Grand Canyon, our honeymooning heroes do one eye-rollingly dumb thing after another and so instead of feeling sympathy or empathy for them, one will more likely feel abject apathy and wonder how long until they die. (Preferably horribly.)
The Canyon is billed as a horror movie of sorts — watch your step, for there are spoilers ahead — but unlike the dim-witted duos of Open Water or The Strangers, this married couple does not get very bloody. Not that I'm only about the body count, but let's face it: this is horror.com and so I feel it's my obligation to warn you The Canyon is more a tale of survival than slaying. The enemy is the elements, and the occasional angry rattler. A pack of shifty-eyed wolves also factor into the danger zone, but unlike the circling sharks in Open Water there isn't a sense of menace about them. Director Richard Harrah wouldn't know suspense if he looked it up in the dictionary.
However, The Canyon isn't all bad. In fact, once you've cast off the horror or thriller film expectation the DVD box art promises, there are a few things to like. For one, the actors (witless as their characters may be) are likable and believable as newlyweds. Eion Bailey ("ER") plays Nick, an enthusiastic greenhorn who wants to see the great outdoors, and Yvonne Strahovski ("Chuck") is Lori, a droll beauty who'd prefer honeymoon hotel room-service to riding a bony mule into a giant hole in the ground… but she indulges her new hubby's wish. And she lives to regret it.
The couple's guide, salty old Henry (Will Patton, "24"… hm, do you think the casting director has a lifetime subscription to the TV Guide?), provides everything from soup to nuts, leading the clueless couple deeper and deeper into the crooked canyons until they are thoroughly lost. Fortunately, Henry knows his way around. Unfortunately, Henry is killed in an accident and Nick and Lori are left alone and adrift.
Remember those spoilers? Here are a few more. Due to his own incredibly imbecilic actions, Nick winds up trapped between boulders and finds himself pinned not unlike Aron Ralston (in fact "the guy who cut off his own arm" is referenced in the dialogue here). Once freed, Nick and his long-suffering wife limp along, trailed by vultures and wolves. After a conclusion that's reminiscent of The Mist (but without any of that film's wtf? factor), the camera zooms out to show us a birds-eye view of the canyon and just how hopeless their situation always was. The message? It's probably that when man goes head-to-head with nature, he's going to lose. The message to me? I wasted an hour and a half of my day and it's my duty to warn you not to do the same.
I will admit the acting is convincing; Patton, Strahovski, and Bailey bring it. The cinematography is fairly flat, but it's pretty hard to mess up with vast, naturally painterly Western locations like Arizona and Utah. The landscapes and skies are impressive.
But unless you are a huge fan of the players, I can't wholeheartedly recommend The Canyon DVD (not even for the additional release material — the behind the scenes interviews are so fawning, I practically expected Bambi to show up and say a few words about how great his costars were, too!). If you are interested in stories of survival, you really should seek out the gripping tale of Aron Ralston instead (Tom Brokaw of "Dateline" did an unforgettable special on him entitled Desperate Days in Blue John Canyon)
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Reviewed by Staci Layne Wilson