I Sell The Dead
I Sell The Dead
But will you buy this movie?
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I must begin this review in full disclosure regarding my own movie tastes: I'm not a huge Hammer Films fan. (Yes, I can hear the collective guffaws of disgust from many of you.) Seeing as I Sell The Dead is pretty much a big, sloppy, wagging-tail love letter to those movies, it's kind of difficult to review from a totally neutral standpoint.
While I didn't much care for it, I can't fault the flick for having its heart in the right place (along with a wooden stake dead-center). I Sell The Dead takes place in scary Olde Ireland and stars Dominic Monaghan as Arthur Blake, a young grave-robber about to be put to death for his crimes against nature. His career criminal mentor, Willie Grimes (Larry Fessenden), has just completed his date with the guillotine, and while Arthur awaits his fate he looks back on his sordid past at the urgency of his confessor, Father Duffy (Ron Perlman).
As told to the gallows chronicler in a series of flashbacks from childhood to the present, Arthur's story unfolds showing how he first encountered tomb-raider (valuables) and body-snatcher (medical experiments) Willie, their dealings with a nefarious doctor (Angus Scrimm), their discovery of vampires buried in unconsecrated ground, a mishmash of misadventures and, finally, how they wound up caught and convicted. Each portion of the yarn is recounted anthology-like, with Arthur and Duffy interstitial.
In the meat of the story the elder and eager entrepreneurs are a jolly pair, even as they're running from vampires, zombies, pirates, and even the odd E.T. — slapstick comedy ensues, but there is some wry, witty dialogue sprinkled in as well. Monaghan and Fessenden enjoy an easy camaraderie, which is absolutely essential… but still not enough to save the film.
There's really nothing wrong with I Sell The Dead, but in my opinion it is just too close to being an actual Hammer Film. It is carbon copy in every way — especially the plodding, 60s/early 70s British cinematic pace and the episodic conceit. Personally, I would have preferred an homage (like Hatchet), a spirited spoof (see Shaun of the Dead), or even a quasi-mockumentary (ala Behind the Mask). But as I've stressed, if you enjoy Hammer (No? Slot in Roger Corman's gothic Tales of Terror from 1962, then), you just might like this. It's well-acted, adequately shot and lit using old-style technique, and boasts some above-average costuming and set design.
Unfortunately the movie is just too slow and suspenseless for me to wholly recommend, so I suggest you proceed with caution. I Sell The Dead will be out in theaters on a limited release August 7, then On Demand August 12.
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Reviewed by Staci Layne Wilson
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