DVD Roundup: In the Name of the King, Shrooms, The Sick House

In The Name of the King

on DVD April 15

Based on a videogame and dutifully adding the requisite wraiths, sinful sorcerers and bodacious babes, In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is sort of a cross between Beastmaster, The Lord of the Rings, and Laguna Beach.

Daddy's spoiled little girl, played perfectly pouty by Leelee Sobiesky, has put an entire kingdom in jeopardy because she wants to play kissy face with the enemy (a Ray Liotta so botoxed, he can barely manage a pucker). In fact, her royal sire (he of the enviable diction, Mr. John Rhys-Davies) flat out says, "Thanks to you, the entire kingdom could be lost!"

Now what? Well, naturally she joins a ragtag army in an uprising against her former lover and the rival King Konreid (Burt Reynolds looking out of sorts on horseback), and kicks some krug butt. The krugs are the evil emissaries of the mystical usurpers, and they are rubbery, fake-fur fun… but after about 14th or 15th battle scene, they do start to wear out their welcome (clearly, director Uwe Boll wanted to get every penny out of having famed fight choreographer Tony Ching on the payroll).

In The Name of the King boasts an all-star (okay, a mostly-recognizable) cast including the aforementioned Liotta, Reynolds, Sobiesky, and Rhys-Davies — plus Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, Kristanna Loken, Claire Forlani, and a supremely hammy Matthew Lillard who's ultra-convincing as the Charles Nelson Riley of sword and sorcery baddies (trust me: once you see it, you'll believe it!).

Had the movie been shorn of several fight scenes and had some of the more expository scenes whittled down, it could have been a real contender in the gallery of guilty pleasures.

Shrooms

on DVD March 25

"Get ready to get wasted" proclaims the tagline on this direct-to-disc hippie-horror flick. If you liked The Tripper, and you don't mind a milk-cow delivering the best dialogue… and you're very, very bored… then you just might want to take this bad trip.

The story, such as it is, follows a group of kids who go into the woods in order to partake of the region's special magic mushrooms. They drive out to the familiar middle of nowhere, set up a campsite, and start telling scary story whilst gathered round the fire. Before long, the drugs kick in and the killings begin.

Then there's some stuff about a legend of a Black Knight and a pair of twins, and some goat-loving hicks… But are they just hallucinations, or are they real? According the wandering cow, it's best we don't ask too many questions. (And according to me, it's best you don't rent this DVD.)

The Sick House

on DVD March 18

When I saw Gina Philips on Boston Public and in her horror debut, Jeepers Creepers, a few years back, I thought she'd have a pretty good career ahead of her. Fortunately, she is still young and has time to put movies like The Sick House far behind her.

Philips plays Anna, a woman who unleashes not only an ancient and very virulent strain of the Bubonic Plague while poking around in an abandoned hospital one day, but also a scary apparition known as the Black Priest (Black Knight, meet the Black Priest). This old school spook was once alive, causing the deaths of many and now that he's been reanimated, he's ready to do some more damage.

Cue the dark hallways, the "is anybody there?" type dialogue, and some shaky cam. Sit. Watch. Scratch your head. Avoid the temptation to say something about avoiding The Sick House like the black plague. Remove disk from player. Get Uwe Boll boxed set, and watch everything from German Fried Movie through Bloodrayne 2.

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Reviewed by Staci Layne Wilson