Review of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (2003)

Reviewed by Staci Layne Wilson for Horror.com

Although the 1974 version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre helped put Tobe Hooper on the map and is considered a classic by most true horror aficionados, I must confess that I never "got it". Leatherface just wasn't scary to me, the constant screaming got on my nerves, and (by the time I got around to it in the 80s) the surprise ending was pretty contrived.

There is plenty of blood and screaming this time around too, and yes, some standard slasher genre contrivances. But I found TCM v. 2003 surprisingly refreshing. In a year of wink-wink-nod-nod horror movies (Freddy Vs. Jason, and Cabin Fever to name a couple), TCM is pure and unapologetic throwback and throw-down horror.

Make no mistake: This is indeed a remake and not to be confused with the many (and dreadful) sequels. With the exception of John Carpenter's The Thing, David Cronenberg's The Fly, and Werner Herzog's Nosferatu The Vampire, seldom is a remake ever as "good" as the original. As a fan of the genre, I'm relieved and pleased to report that TCM is one of those that is as good as, perhaps even superior to (as it relates to modern audiences), the original.

Old school fans will know they're in for a reverent retelling of the tale when they hear John Larroquette's familiar intonation on the voice-over at the beginning of the film, as he recounts the gruesome events of the true mass murder that inspired the film (actually its origins are buried deep in the case of Ed Gein, which means it's about as loosely based as it gets).

While the remake is a faithful up to a point and does utilize some of the tried and true people from the original (Hooper, Larroquette, and cinematographer Daniel Pearl), there is still plenty of fun for those us of us who've practically memorized every stitch in Leatherface's mask. Heretofore the director of Janet Jackson videos, helmer Marcus Nispel does an admirable job, driving his crew and cast to their utmost abilities.

The acting is definitely above par - the two standouts being star Jessica Biel and character actor R. Lee Ermey (who was also excellent in another horror remake earlier this year, Willard). Ermey plays a totally depraved backwoods sheriff (is there any other kind?) and Biel, making the most of every inch of her killer bod, plays a very unwilling victim. The new family of sadists also manages hold their own against their predecessors, as does the seldom-glimpsed chainsaw-wielder himself, Leatherface. 

But is it scary? Well, the fact that Harry Knowles has a cameo should be scary enough for most people but in the jaded world of genre, TCM only orbits Planet Horrorwood, never quite landing. It's fun and thrilling and chilling, but it won't keep most fright mavens up nights.

Perhaps they should do a remake of this remake, starring Tammy-Faye Baker, and call it Texas Chainsaw Mascara. Now, that would send shivers down even my spine...