Tales From The Crypt: Season Six (DVD)

Tales From The Crypt, The Vault Of Horror and Shock Suspense Stories comics from the 1950s and 60s served as inspiration for this anthology horror series which ran on HBO for seven seasons (the final one, which aired in 1997, is coming to DVD this fall).

Tales From The Crypt is a pretty mixed bag. But that's the case with just about any anthology series; in this case, the mix is comedy and horror, which is often a tricky proposition. The twist ending, long before M. Night Shyamalan ruined it for everybody, was de rigeur in any Tales From The Crypt episode — as was some form of female state of undress.

So who better to direct the first three episodes of Season Six than a trio of male directors who — while they're no Paul Verhoevens — are still notorious for putting décolletage on display in their recent output? (Russell Mulcahy shows Milla Jovovich's taut bod in the upcoming Resident Evil: Extinction; William Malone gives Cherilyn Wilson her first nude scene in Parasomnia; and Mick Garris' 2006 Masters of Horror anthology entry, Chocolate, was the most sex-centric.)

Let The Punishment Fit The Crime

Directed by Russell Mulcahy

Starring Catharine O'Hara, Peter MacNicol, Joseph Maher

 Opening Narration, with the Crypt Keeper dressed as a news anchorman:

"From overseas and underworld, it's the Crypt Keeper Noose Network. Good evening creeps. In the news tonight, Wolf-man bites dog. Vampires say life sucks. Mummy takes the wrap, after years in denial and illiterate zombies insist, they're better dead than read. [Gets hit in head with a knife.] Ahh, this just in, and our top story tonight is a nasty little sound bite about an ambulance chasing lawyer who's about to bleed the toughest case of her life. I call it, Let The Punishment Fit The Crime."

Review:

Geraldine, a high-falutin', filthy rich city lawyer finds herself in a small town kangaroo court after getting caught in a speed trap by local law enforcement. This episode starts off innovatively, showing us just people's feet and shoes as they bustle about the courtroom – then the camera pans up to the town's one defense attorney, and his newly-arrested, highly-protesting client. When the judge throws more than just the book at her, Geraldine realizes that this isn't just any small town.

Let The Punishment Fit The Crime is not a particularly funny or scary episode, but it's well-acted, deftly directed, and photographed by DP Rick Bota using some really odd and effective, almost distorted, perspectives which help bring the characters' predicaments to life.

Ending Narration: The Crypt Keeper:

"Talk about trial and terror. Still, I think Geri will do just fine. I mean aside from the occasional attack of motion sickness. And now it's time for business news. [talks to corpse] So Chip, what happened on the shock exchange today ? Uh-oh [corpse spurts blood], Oh, sorry. Looks like it's time for the spurts report instead!"

Only Skin Deep

Directed by William Malone

Starring Peter Onorati, Sherrie Rose, Diane DiLascio

One of the best — however, least comedic — episodes on the disk, Only Skin Deep follows the trials of a hateful, abusive man who's just broken up with a beautiful woman. His next conquest is Molly, a mysterious lady whom he meets at a costume party. She's wearing a mask, and so is he. The titillation of completely anonymous flirting leads to a night of hardcore sex back at her place, facades firmly in place. But in the morning light, he wants to see her face: And when he does, there's a price to pay.

Shot with assuredness by Levie Isaacks, it's still easy to spot director William Malone's German Expressionism-inspired visual flourishes throughout this very atmospheric, suspenseful episode (one moment in particular, in which Peter Onorati is reaching for a doorknob, could have easily been a quick insert… but here, it's an event for the eyes).

Whirlpool

Directed by Mick Garris

Starring Rita Rudner, Richard Lewis, Ria Coyne

Whirlpool is a comedically broad episode, without a whole lot of horror — kind of the antithesis of the one that runs just ahead of it, making for a jarring if not altogether unpleasant change of pace. The story, taking a cue from the B-noirs of the 1950s, tells the tale of Rolanda, a comic book illustrator who's just barely holding onto her job by the ends of her fingernails. She comes up with a story that she thinks has a great twist, but all it does is get her boss's knickers in a knot. He fires her and as if that is not bad enough, she later winds up dead. After that, life starts to imitate art and things get really weird!

Garris does the best he can, given the tired material and very limited acting talent at hand. The episode, shot by Rick Bota, looks lovely but unless you're a huge fan of goofy noir, Richard Lewis, or the director… this one is a skipper.

Oddly enough, Whirlpool — widely considered one of the weakest episodes from Season Six — is the only one that warrants a place in the "extras". On Disk Three, you can find a Virtual Comic Book of the same name. However, the story doesn't seem to follow the one in the live action episode (though I must admit, this extra was so tedious, I couldn't make it all the way through the 10 minute running time). It's basically just a staid slide-show, narrated by John Kassir in Crypt-Keeper mode.

Also in this set:

Operation Friendship: An imaginary friend comes between a man and his lady love.

Directed by Roland Mesa

Starring Tate Donovan, Michelle Thomas, Peter Dobson

Revenge Is The Nuts: Sex in trade for kindness turns out to be a bad deal at home for the blind.

Directed by Jonas McCord

Starring Teri Polo, John Savage, Isaac Hayes

The Bribe: A fire marshall wants to shut down the strip club where his daughter works, so he hires an arsonist and gets a result he didn't expect.

Directed by Ramon Menendez

Starring Terry O'Quinn, Benecio Del Toro, Kimberly Williams

The Pit: Two professional fighters forego their match in deference to a publicity stunt: Have their wives do their fighting for them, instead.

Directed by John Harrison

Starring Mark Dacascos, Wayne Newton, Debbie Dunning

The Assassin: The wife of an ex-C.I.A. assassin steps up when a group of covert operator come to the family home looking for him.

Directed by Martin von Haselberg

Starring Corey Feldman, William Sadler, Shelley Hack

Staired In Horror: An escaped convicts finds more that he bargained for when he takes reguse in the home of a feeble old woman.

Directed by Stephen Hopkins

Starring R. Lee Ermey, D. B. Sweeney, Rachel Ticotin

In The Groove: A talk radio host gets even after he's fired in favor of a spicier D.J.

Directed by Vincent Spano

Starring Miguel Ferrer, Linda Doucett, Wendie Malick

Surprise Party: Another arson story, this time Bette Ford guest stars! (Take that, Benecio Del Toro!)

Directed by Elliott Silverstein

Starring Adam Storke, Jake Busey, Rance Howard

Doctor Of Horror: Security guards at a morgue are presented with a dilemma when a strange doctor offers them $500 each to perform a seemingly impossible task.

Directed by Larry Wilson

Starring Hank Azaria, Travis Tritt, Ben Stein

Comes The Dawn: Poaching in the Alaskan wildness, a couple of ne'er do wells meet the wrong woman.

Directed by John Herzfeld

Starring Bruce Payne, Vivian Wu, Michael Ironside

99.44% Pure Horror: When she's laid off from the soap company she works for, a woman decides to play dirty.

Directed by Rodman Flender

Starring Bruce Davison, Cristi Conaway, Darin Heames

You, Murderer!: Sort of a Double Indemnity for double-digit I.Q. schemers.

Directed by Robert Zemeckis

Starring Humphrey Bogart (digitally inserted), John Lithgow, Isabella Rossellini

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Reviewed by Staci Layne Wilson