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#1
01-27-2009, 10:24 PM
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I need help with a logline.
This is a question mainly for people with insider knowledge of the industry. I'm in a logline contest this month and I need to place in the top 25% to advance to the next round.
Please take a look at this logline and let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions for improving it. What you see below is exactly whatt he judges will see, just a title and logline so I need it to be good. If you do not have knowledge of loglines, then please just let me know if it seems like a film you'd be intersted in seeing or not based solely on what is written below. Who the Hell is Sheldon Reese? "Bullets and wisecracks abound as a self-absorbed actor, at risk of becoming the next victim of a celebrity-slaying hitman, must unravel the mystery surrounding the murder of a rival while reversing his slumping career and juggling his promiscuous love life." Thanks to anyone that offers any assistance.
__________________
Click for bwind22's 1 Minute Movie Reviews! 
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#2
01-28-2009, 08:24 AM
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A little bit clunky. "reversing his slumping career and juggling his promiscuous lovelife" doesn't quite flow.
__________________
Horror and Bizarro novelist and editor
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#4
01-28-2009, 09:44 AM
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Quote:
Maybe "...rebounding his career and maintaining his promiscuous lovelife." I have rewritten this thing probably 30 times now. You should have seen how clunky it was to begin with. :(
__________________
Click for bwind22's 1 Minute Movie Reviews!
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#5
01-28-2009, 01:02 PM
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Promiscuous is awkward. Maybe and "still finding time to womanize?"
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Horror and Bizarro novelist and editor
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#6
01-28-2009, 02:17 PM
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"...reversing his slumping career and maintaining his playboy-style lovelife."
Do you think that's any less clunky?
__________________
Click for bwind22's 1 Minute Movie Reviews!
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#7
01-29-2009, 10:44 AM
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I just rewrote it again. Is this any less clunky? And more importantly, does it sound like an intersting script?
Who the Hell is Sheldon Reese? "Bullets and wisecracks fly as a self-absorbed actor, at risk of becoming the next victim of a celebrity-slaying hitman, must unravel the mystery surrounding the murder of a rival while juggling his slumping career and chaotic love life."
__________________
Click for bwind22's 1 Minute Movie Reviews!
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#8
01-29-2009, 10:53 AM
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That's much better.
__________________
Horror and Bizarro novelist and editor
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#9
01-29-2009, 12:14 PM
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Thanks Doc. That's probably the one I'll go with.
I swear I've spent more time on this logline than I do on most of my scripts. :P
__________________
Click for bwind22's 1 Minute Movie Reviews!
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#10
01-30-2009, 07:32 AM
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What about this, it's less clunky:
As bullets and wisecracks fly, a self-absorbed actor risks becoming the next victim of a celebrity-slaying hitman and must unravel the mystery of a rival's murder, while juggling his slumping career and choatic love life. What about using "tumultous" instead of "choatic"?
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