Leaving ones family behind...

[Phalanx]

Vod might have an idea on what this is like, not that I'd ever pry.

Sister - went overseas for about 5 years to "escape" my mother...came back a condescending bitch without even knowing it, time and again talking down to me because I hadn't taken exactly the same path as she does...meanwhile in her own life, one unhealthy relationship after another, at the age of 29 still cycling through boyfriends none of them seeming to last more'n a few months, and the highlights of her day are to piss away huge chunks of her admittedly nice paycheck on pissing up all night.

Father - Used to this anyway, not having had him around for the majority of my childhood. I made contact. Things seemed good. Getting back to him was what he claimed he'd waited for for years, he'd "missed out on having children alltogether"
His parents didn't like me, but whatever...they're country folk...
He decides to move (back) across the opposite side of the country to pursue a "different" job after a work related injury, left a great partner and her kids that had grown rather used to him claiming he could work the long distance thing...this was 3 and a bit years ago.., he gave up trying for his "relationship" within 3 months...and he's still doing the same stuff, just in a different place.
Hasn't called me more'n 3 times since he left. I've Written numerous emails especially on all special occasions, no replies. Not even those shitty short emails you send with "hi how are you?" all that shit.
Last we spoke on fathers day when I thought it'd be cool to give him a call, I heard he was planning to have a nice dinner with another young fella he'd decided to "take under his wing". For fathers day.
Right?
Fuck that shit.
I even tried writing numerous times since...nothing...although every time in the past, there's always been some excuse. I'm not an idiot, and through buying it.

Mother...
This one's just a joke.
Throughout my childhood and life with her, it was one "boyfriend" after another. Some have been drug addicts, some have been physically abusive to myself and sister, some have cheated on her and bought her trouble...but she's just got this sick problem with her head where she CAN'T deal with being alone, so she throws herself at the first loser asshole who so much as pays her any attention, and puts up with their shit no matter what, crawling back like a sad little no-self-respect-having punching bag.
Sure there's the "I was trying to do the best I can to take care of my family" excuse masking this selfish behaviour...if finances were the case I'd suggest a job, any job would do it better than to pass on to my sister that it's ok to live off your man...no wonder SHE'S so relationship fucked...
So through this shit she's self-induced "depression", I've dealt with bearing witness to a major suicide attempt she made when I was 10 years old, I've dealt with being blamed for every little relationship fuckup, I've dealt with being medicated when I didn't need it, hit with sticks by her and whichever ass she was with at the time every time I so much as spoke out, her taking my money when I first got a job, and the last thing I dealt with was having all my things thrown out of a 5th storey window, by a yet another maniacal asshole who had crashed our place and been living off her.
This happened when I was 15. I was living at friends places, and youth hostels and wherever I could lay my head since...thankfully I met a nice girl who became the love of my life today and saw me as good enough to share a life and place with.
After a while I spoke to her again...mainly for ongoing contact with my brother, well, and thought maybe part of the problem was me, and tried to connect again.
So I like to think I've moved on...but the mother hasn't...stuck in a shithole town after ONE moneygrabbing boyfriend convinced her to move there before shooting off, barely keeping a running car, and currently living with someone who has actually strangled her, should be medicated, but never is.
My 16yo brother lives there too...it's only a matter of time before he becomes the target I'm sure...opf course he's had to deal with the same old "you ruin all my relationships" shit that I did almost word for word - unwilling to realise the problem is her lack of self respect attracting these assholes, and said relationships already being doomed to failure.
I mean this latest guy...I haven't HAD a conversation with her for the last year or so that's not talking about how unhappy she is, how shes "got to get out of here"...yet, she won't even get a job...she's not worked for so long that she almost deliberately sabotages anything "real", finding excuses she shouldn't be there.
He's stolen her money, he's a complete pothead loser (that's right...I draw a line) he's called my brother a cunt, he's strangled her, he's caused trouble with the locals because of the shit he's said and done...yet time and time again, she welcomes this fucking disease back into her life.
I've realised, she's just NEVER going to move on, she's never going to be out of an abusive situation, she's never going to get out of there and back into society...she's going to rot there.
My brother was going to come for my birthday which is pretty soon...she had the money to send him on the train and with money to cover any expenses...the day later, he's back (even though she had established an A.V.O against him) and it's "we'll have to check on the finances", today it's a message saying "he won't be able to come unless we sell the car"...like it's not obvious what's happening.
...and now, she's letting him pick up HER fucking phone...I will hang up on him every time this happens, the things I WOULD say to this person put me at a liability. Honestly, I'd like to fucking erase this guy with a mallet, and send the corpse to his family.
I can't even bring myself to talk to her right now, and I just don't think I can do it anymore...I can't yet again hear what's wrong when she's just going to let even more of her life go by in circles.

Brother.
He's the only one in this that's remotely salvagable.
He's smart, he's cool and not a bit like them...he's currently living through the same shit I always did. I've told him he can come back and live with me, more towards "civilisation" he'd be able to study at a college with far more opportunities, he wouldn't have to put up with HER shit, or HIS, and the govt would actually pay him to study fulltime, to the point that even after he contributed for all his shopping, bills, and expenses, he'd have about $80 a week to himself.
Thing is, he's growing used to it...even though he complains...I get it, I mean sometimes it's hard to see outside your own life when you've never been independant before, but it's beginning to piss me off.
He's bright enough to realise he's in a bad situation, and it's like he just WON'T make the decision. I mean, he's got a time limit...when I get established and have a kid, that's it, offer revoked.
I was hoping to have a serious talk with him when he came down, to try and get my point accross and show him the benefits...but doesn't look like I'll have that chance.
I'm just so pissed off right now because I've lived this, and I just feel like yelling at him that it never gets better, I know...he's not only in an unhealthy situation where his potential will just die, he's also in a dangerous one as long as this lunatic is in the picture.
Like I said, I don't consider him a loss yet, far from it...but if he gets to 18 and hasn't made a move, I honestly can't see myself wanting to know someone who's just given up like that.

Pretty fucked hm?
The "rest" of my family doesn't even want to know me, or doesn't know I exist, courteousy of my mother and the way SHE relates to people...so they were a non-issue from the start.

I'm thinking it's going to be kind of different...but really, I can't see it as not being for the better, at least for me.
People need to learn their own damn lessons.

Sorry to vent.
That'll be all.

[hellfire1]

I say cut these people out of your life, even if they are your family. They have a way of poisoning and shitting on anything's that's good, and it will just seep into the life you've made for yourself. I've learned that blood isn't thicker than water, and all that counts is the family you make, by surrounding yourself with people whom you trust and love and give you the same in return. That's all one can do.

As for your brother, he knows you're there for him. If he doesn't decide to do anything to remedy his situation by taking you up on your offer, that's also on him. It fucking sucks, I know, but you can't force people to be strong. They just are what they are, and get there on their own terms, just like you did. You seem happy in your life with your girl and friends. Don't let them ruin it.

[Phalanx]

Yeah...the father I've decided not to bother with...no huge loss there anyway right?

The mother, will probably still call me but will more than likely get offended when I tell her she needs to start respecting herself and move on in life...and until then, either don't talk to me at all, or don't talk to me about her "problems" that she refuses to fix...I don't want to talk to her abusive leech of a fuckhead "boyfriend", and I honestly don't think I can be bothered talking to her until she's rid herself of that particular mental inability to get out of this bullshit cycle.

Sister - Not any longer the kind of person I want to know.
Condescending, self centered and judgemental...while deeply flawed herself on the very issues she likes to bring up.

Brother - some work to do there.
Of course hanging about TWO people that simply WON'T work (not to mention all the other shit) will not exactly train him into the best habits....I don't know....but like I said there's a time limit on my offer, I need to talk to him or see him to actually explain that clearly, may put things in perspective for him.

I guess it was good to vent, and get it all out there...now if I'm called upon to explain my actions, I can just refer to this, ha.

[stubbornforgey]

Sorry to hear that crap Phalanx.
Yeah family can be all fucked up and have the strange ability to try and fuck you up in the process.

Good on you for at least trying aye, what more can you do but get on with your own shit.
Sadly however, you know as well as I do that, when the crunch comes down and these fuckers call for help, you will be the 1st one they call on and somewhere in your heart, you know that you will be there for them.

Because despite all this shit ..your not like them.



I could be wrong..but meh...I doubt it.

[Phalanx]

Thankyou both for the kind words.
It's a hard thing to go through I suppose, or eventually just, realise, as it were...but yeah when it hits, you've just gotta acknowledge it.

...and for those that keep seeing this weird topic pop up, just know I'll never attack you for being random, eh?