The Year I spent in a Shitty High School Production of Closer

[The STE]

Set your VCR's, TiVO's, and DVD recorders, Sam The Egg is going to talk about himself, all STE-ism aside, for the first and only time.
Ready, go:




"I could a tale unfold whose lightest word
Would harrow up thy soul; freeze thy young blood;
Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres;
Thy knotted and combined locks to part,
And each particular hair to stand on end
Like quills upon the fretful porcupine"
-The ghost of King Hamlet


Okay, so this might not be so dramatic as all that, but the quote makes for a good introduction, so fuck you. Quick background before the Year in question. I don't like groups of people. I'm not saying that so I can seem like some cool loner type, "I don't hang out in the crowd" type bullshit. I don't like groups of people. That includes most everything from hanging out with a bunch of people to going to parties. It's not particularly a phobia or some sort of anxiety thing (closer to an anxiety type thing, but whatever), I just don't like it all that much. During lunch I ate over in the corner by the
entrance to the gym, either alone or with a (1) friend who also liked eating over there, for reasons that may or may not be different from my own. In a completely different rant/story/essay, we got split up on different lunches.

Meanwhile, sometime around the early middle of the last semester we had lunch together, I met a guy named Emmet. Okay, that's not really when I met him, but that's when we started conversing on any sort of scale more meaningful than making fun of his mustache. For reasons that are, to this day, beyond me, he decides he's going to get me to like people and make me popular. Those of you that "know" me, I was probably thinking the same thing then that you are now. He also wanted to get me a girlfriend. Those of you that "know" me and dislike me, I was probably thinking the same thing then that you are now. But apparently there were 2 girls that liked me. This was news to me. But no wonder, I'd never heard of either one of them. This will become important later. So, I get dragged to a Halloween party. This is still that last semester that I ate alone (until now, but I'm getting ahead of the story). The Halloween party. No idea why I went. The excuse I'm going to stick with was that if I didn't placate Emmet, he'd bug me even more than normal. And I guess I didn't want to be rude (I know, I know), since, as annoying as it was, he was trying to be nice. So we were there, he introduces me to Jasmine. The other girl that allegedly liked me was there, too, but I didn't know who she was and didn't meet her and to this day don't know who she is or what she looks like. I think Emmet said her name was Amanda. Whatever. So Emmet spends the party bugging Jasmine and me for us to get together. Sparing you the boring details (and they are very boring, given that I'm reserved in person and apparently so was she), she apparently liked me after all. To hear Emmet tell it, she was obsessed with me, which is fucking creepy since that was the first I'd ever heard of her. Plus, she was like 3 years younger than me. No idea if that's relevant or not, besides the fact that I when I was 18 she was 15, which would make me a dirty pedophile. So, after the Halloween party, I don't see her except a couple of brief seconds during the lunch switchover.

This goes on for a week, and then, whilst passing in the hallway, she gives me a note. Reader, the poem that she wrote was the kind of creepy that I hadn't seen since Single White Female. I'd quote it, but the note is gone. There was something about touching or something, that was the only part that stuck out. She backtracked later and said the poem was just for a class or something. Uh-huh. So we're conversing via the occasional note and once in a while in person between classes. Next semester, Ronnie (other corner person) is on a different lunch shift. I have my theories on why, but that would be a rant in and of its self. But Emmet and Sherri (his girlfriend) and their group of fucktards are. "Come sit at our table", "Fuck you, you sit over in the corner", repeat. That was the exchange until I gave in, mostly because I was used to talking to Ronnie, and the sudden transition from talking about random and stupid stuff to sitting alone left me bored. Jasmine, too, was on the lunch shift. So, we ate lunch together now. By eat lunch, I mean I didn't eat. The food sucks. This all happened day one of the semester.

At the end of the week, Sherri had a b-day party/shitty techno rave in her basement. Cheap bastard that I am, I copy a DVD in lieu of a present. Jasmine was there, too. Neither one of us danced because I have no rhythm and she...I guess...didn't wanna. Others danced though, and of a quality not seen since Girls Gone Wild. It was at this party that Jasmine kissed me. Very briefly on the cheek, and instantly writing it off and running to talk to someone else. I get the stupid "hey, Jasmine wants to know if you'll go out with her" middleman shit from some of the strippers-in-training. I wasn't having any of that. So, it was still pretty dead. Whether or not this counted as us being a couple or not I have no idea. For a while, the day went like, we see each other before 1st hour, then during lunch, we go to my 5th hour together, go to my bus together.

During this time, she really seemed to like hitting me. And was kinda abusive verbally. Of course, I backed her up on all the stuff she said to me, cause it's funny (or was then). One of the times, she told me to shut up, so I did. Then she wanted me to talk, and said she'd kick my ass in front of everybody. Out of habit, I almost said that I would probably enjoy that, but instead just walked around her. About this time the bell rang, making both of us late, I try to get to class, she pushes me, and I push her off of me. So...she fucking hit me! I mean like hit-hit, in the side of the head. In a move that I regretted for a period of 10 months, I retaliated by choking her. Yeah, that probably wasn't the best thing I could have done, but it got her away and me to class. If we had being together previously, which neither one of us had confirmed or denied, this was surely our breakup. Suddenly, some Tuesday in April, about 2 months after the little incident, we were either back together or were officially together. You know the story up to this point, you decide. I'm busy typing. But things are pretty much the same. Bit more physical contact, but still.

And then school was done. I had her and others over to my house once, we went to see that Riddick movie (it sucked), and then she was grounded. For two months. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to be there, and her parents found out. Oops. So, summer went by, I didn't see her. At all. Early the next school year, we went to our friend Amanda's house (different Amanda), her parents found out I was there, and she got grounded. Again. For two more months. FUCK! Nothing goes on until she's ungrounded. Except for one brief moment when we were alone waiting for my dad outside the school after science club (I know, I know). I kissed her, and then left (my dad was there). Given that it's me, this is fairly significant.

[The STE]

part 2:
Brief interlude, more back-story on your humble narrator. I'm really unlikable. It apparently doesn't transfer via Internet, because I'm not rampantly hated here. Nor am I rampantly hated anywhere else, but I know that I'm unlikable. I should, I spend more time with me than anybody else does. And don't think I didn't tell her this. For the first month I actually tried talking her out of us having any sort of relationship. "But, Sam, wouldn't just not getting into a relationship at all work if that's the case?" Sure, Imaginary Quote Person, but I'm selfish, and obscenely perverted, and if we're in a relationship then that leads, in theory, to loud obnoxious sex. So, it works out for me. But, given that I'm unlikable, and avoid people, I hadn't had any sort of girlfriend before. I'm trying to get this so that it doesn't sound all mushy, because I hate that, but the terminology isn't helping.

Next time I saw her was the homecoming dance. I know, I KNOW, but shut up. 'Side from a brief makeout...uh...and us having loud obnoxious sex behind the bleachers (*cough*)...fine, I'm lying about that last part. 'Side from that, it's largely uneventful. Between then and the Halloween party, I was at her house, which was about the same as the Homecoming dance as far as eventfulness goes. Halloween party rolls around (I'm a priest, btw), and is seemingly going to be even less eventful. And then it wasn't. I will again spare details, but this time for a different reason.

At this time, we still eat lunch (by eat, again, I mean that we don't) on the same shift. Along with her friend Diane, and our mutual friend Ruben. Ruben drove me home from the Halloween party, and bought a copy of my movie (The Good, The Bad, and The Iliad) for $10. I got half, the other person who was involved as part of the school project got half. But I digress.

School went on about the same. However, Diane and Emmet seemed to have developed a habit of taking Jasmine off, so that I specifically can't hear, and talking to her about something. Out of curiosity, I'd ask what it was about, and it was usually some stupid shit that would warrant any kind of secrecy. That was, of course, when I was told what it was about. But whatever. Then, the semester was over. We're nearing the end, don't worry.

Over the winter vacation, I didn't see her at all. Actually, I did see her on New Year's Day, which was when her birthday party was. Nothing of note happened here. This semester, we did not eat on the same lunch shift. We didn't see each other after any of our classes. Just before and after school, and she seemed to be awfully avoidant of me. Dear reader, we can now cue any ominous music you might have lying around. The first Friday back, there was a science club meeting. Hilton (yet another mutual friend) came in and said to me that Jasmine told him to tell me that she wouldn't be there. He also said that she told him why, but didn't want me to know. He told me anyways. Apparently she went to look for a job with Ruben. Uh-huh.

She did stop by briefly, I asked why she couldn't stay, and she just said that she was leaving. After science club, the subject comes up, and I was told, in no uncertain terms, that both Emmet and Sherri had seen Jasmine either making out with or way too close to Ruben after sixth hour one day. Not through any grapevines, either. This was told to me directly from the two of them. Now, I've seen Raging Bull, and O, and Chasing Amy (which doesn't fit as good as the other two, but still holds some relevancy). Having seen these, I can assume that the mature and logical thing to do is ask her direct. Because I trusted her, but this is not something one can ignore. But...and, reader, there always is a but, I did not ask that question first. I asked where she was during Science Club. Whether or not this was a bad move or not, I do not know, but it hardly matters at this point. Regardless, she flat out said she didn't want to tell me. Then I asked about the cheating. I get what is either a very rehearsed, defensive, or annoyed spiel as a reply, telling me that she isn't cheating and that if she were going to cheat she would just break up with me. Fair enough, although a simple "no" would have sufficed. In e-mailing her, filling her in on what she missed during the meeting, I say that I don't think she's cheating on me. It seemed smart, and I thought showed that I trusted her. Since, you know, I did and all. Now...show of hands...who would have thought that would be a bad move? Apparently there will be more than 0 hands up.

I get a note that Monday, telling me that she doesn't care what I think at this point, and going on to say that it would be best if I didn't tell her what I think, and going on even further to reiterate that she was not cheating on me, and that if she were, she would have just broken up with me, and make it perfectly clear that we are broken up and she wants someone new. Fair enough, even though the note mostly consists of bullshit excuses to be pissed at me. Also, the fact that this was in note form and she didn't say two words to my face was also a bit infuriating. But what I did could have been construed as an accusation. Fine. It's stupid, but God help me, I'll put up with some stupid stuff in some circumstances. The next day, nothing of note. However, on Wednesday, Cody (friend of mine, apparently of hers as well) says that he heard that we were broken up and that Ruben told him that he and Jasmine were going out. Suspicious, yes, but one person hearing something from someone else is hardly evidence. But then at lunch, an acquaintance, whose name escapes me, asks why Jasmine and me broke up, and had heard that we were broken up from Emmet. So, I ask her. I actually have to seek her out after school and ask if we are broken up. As you probably have guessed, the answer was yes. I sarcastically thank her for making it perfectly clear, and that was the last we spoke.

In hindsight, she was cheating on me after all. Her one defense was that if she were cheating on me she would make it clear that we were broken up, and I had to track her down to get this information. Perhaps she didn't get the chance to tell me. She was standing not 2 FUCKING feet from me for a good 3 or 4 minutes before school. So, she was cheating on me. I didn't think she was when we were going out, but I did afterwards, but since we aren't dating I don't care. Some of the stuff involved still pisses me off, though. Like the fact that when I was told she was cheating on me, it came after a half-serious statement from me that, *cough* she was cheating on me */cough*. Their reaction was like I had just figured out something that was common knowledge. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but is this not the kind of shit you tell someone? The fact that seemingly everybody knew, including Emmet, for quite a while pretty much negates every nice thing they've done. This is where the title of this thread comes from. The shitty high school production of Closer. So, I've cut ties with all of them, and have gone back to my corner. Right where I started. It's not nearly as boring as I remember it being.



...maybe I should have gone with Amanda instead.


The point of all this? Possibly venting, or getting all the memories of this straightened out. There must have been a point somewhere where I could have walked away feeling nothing. I must have missed it. Oh, well, I'll know better for next time.

[Gren the cake]

didnt think id make it, but decided i had better since its sam and its probably the most id ever read about u.

anyway, u learned a good lesson. whta it is? i dunno. but theres 2 things u can do here, u can try and take something out of it and move on.. or u can be a very angry, bitter motherfucker about it for the rest of ur life, taking it out on whoever whereever, talking siht about all them blah blah

considering its u sam... well shit dawg u really could go either way

anyways. ur like, 18. u got plenty of time to meet more shittier girls, worse than that, and then a 1-2 good ones, more shitheads.. etc etc

as for friends, shit, ive never had a group. had its good and bad points. good since i was never obligated to anyone, never had to deal with the drama, and bad becuz i lacked any sort of security. every class, every year, different people. now that im in college, havent spoken wit hardly any of em.

maybe for a while i wouldve been sad about it but i figure shit, if everyone were to move away from one another what are we to do? keep tabs all the time, callin bitches, flying out every few months to hang out. i mean fuck, it was fun while it lasted but guess what, iant meant to happpen. theres lots of other people to meet.

so im meetin motherfuckers now, flings, friends, etc etc... have NO idea where im headed, have NO idea if im gonna see any of these peopel again, if theyll be herre in a year, a week, or even tomorrow. is this fool gonna call me? should i hook up with him? no idea if ANY of these people are gonna be in my life for too long.. and guess what.. i dont givafuck!

in the end... its all in FUN! at least for me. but u seem to be more of a negative, deep type. i mean i can be deep, but fuck, life is so fuckin tipsy turvy whatever to be deep abuot everything. as in, gettin curveballs thrown in all the time. sometimes, ya just gotta take shit lightly, exactly for what it is, love it no matter what (good or bad), and move on.

[Gren the cake]

o. and i never saw Closer, so i hav no idea wtf u talkin about, willis!

[ShankS]

big paragraphs...they hurt my head.

[The STE]

the paragraphs wouldn't be so long if Notepad didn't screw the formatting up.

Closer is that Jude Law/Natalie Portman movie where all four of the main characters are horrible people who cheat on each other

[The STE]

Originally posted by Gren the cake
didnt think id make it, but decided i had better since its sam and its probably the most id ever read about u.

anyway, u learned a good lesson. whta it is? i dunno. but theres 2 things u can do here, u can try and take something out of it and move on.. or u can be a very angry, bitter motherfucker about it for the rest of ur life, taking it out on whoever whereever, talking siht about all them blah blah

considering its u sam... well shit dawg u really could go either way

anyways. ur like, 18. u got plenty of time to meet more shittier girls, worse than that, and then a 1-2 good ones, more shitheads.. etc etc

as for friends, shit, ive never had a group. had its good and bad points. good since i was never obligated to anyone, never had to deal with the drama, and bad becuz i lacked any sort of security. every class, every year, different people. now that im in college, havent spoken wit hardly any of em.

maybe for a while i wouldve been sad about it but i figure shit, if everyone were to move away from one another what are we to do? keep tabs all the time, callin bitches, flying out every few months to hang out. i mean fuck, it was fun while it lasted but guess what, iant meant to happpen. theres lots of other people to meet.

so im meetin motherfuckers now, flings, friends, etc etc... have NO idea where im headed, have NO idea if im gonna see any of these peopel again, if theyll be herre in a year, a week, or even tomorrow. is this fool gonna call me? should i hook up with him? no idea if ANY of these people are gonna be in my life for too long.. and guess what.. i dont givafuck!

in the end... its all in FUN! at least for me. but u seem to be more of a negative, deep type. i mean i can be deep, but fuck, life is so fuckin tipsy turvy whatever to be deep abuot everything. as in, gettin curveballs thrown in all the time. sometimes, ya just gotta take shit lightly, exactly for what it is, love it no matter what (good or bad), and move on.

Oh, I'm over it. This all finished up last week, so there isn't much chance of bitterness. All anger and hurt feelings have given way to sweet, sweet apathy.

[Angelakillsluts]

Finally, a peek into the enigma that is Sam the Egg...

Try not to feel too bad, Jasmine didn't sound like such a great catch anyway, she's probably cheating on her new boyfriend.

Liars and cheaters deserve to burn...

[Kitty]

Originally posted by Angelakillsluts
Finally, a peek into the enigma that is Sam the Egg...

Try not to feel too bad, Jasmine didn't sound like such a great catch anyway, she's probably cheating on her new boyfriend.

Liars and cheaters deserve to burn...

thats true
***evil laughter takes place***Burn in hell cheaterz

[Gren the cake]

i dont deserve to burn! WE R NOT ALL THE SAME

anyway dude, she was 15 man.. fuckin 15?!?! HERRO

and im glad ur all apathetic (note to self, look up apathy..... maybe its like empathy..) i just know some motherfuckers be bitter as fuck for like, forever. retards..