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#1
03-18-2009, 09:15 AM
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lose 50 pounds in 5 days or your money back!
So
Alot has happened I had a nervous breakdown No empathy wanted- just giving you a fact I wanted to THANK all the people here that were so kind and cared enough to try and contact me. Alot of things got lost, including phone numbers, email addys, etc etc (embarrassingly- my family's stuff as well, can you imagine that phone call I had to answer? :o ) I am so sorry, I am a boobhead .:D If you still want to pass that info on to me, please email or PM? [email protected] And if I seem not so compassionate now, it's not because I don't care when you guys go through tough times. I just have so much to give, and my children suck that out by 3pm everyday. But I am getting stronger. I never thought I would come back here, so THANK YOU for not telling me to fuck off, much appreciated!:cool: I really didn't think what happened to me would ever happen, I thought I was stronger, I thought I had it together. I thought I could get thru anything. But I am totally grateful I had that experience. I regret nothing now. I do not have any bad feelings for anything or anybody. I am writing this list for my benefit, my catharsis. You can skip this. Let this go.... My mother being controlling and oppressive. Being left with relatives that resented me. Moving to a billion different places with a billion different schools. My father raping me for 2 years. My grandmother not talking to me for 3 years because I fell in love with a 'mulatto' and turning my entire family against me. Getting beat so bad I couldn't talk for a week. Losing 2 babies. My husband giving me a social disease from one of his scanks. My husband telling his RICH, SNOB family that I trapped him into marriage, so they would understand his little "trailer trash". My husband telling me to abort Lauren. My husband telling me he would take the kids away from me if I divorced him. My husband telling me he would love me forever. My husband asking me to marry him because he couldn't see living another day without knowing I would be there by his side when we were old. Seeing and hearing all the horror in this world and knowing I couldn't stop it. Not being there for Kitty when they put her to sleep because I was a wuss, she deserved me to be there, holding her until she went away because she gave me 11 years of comfort. All the animals that passed through my life that I didn't give everything I had to HELP: Rebecca Bounce Clueless calico female Clue Liselle the 5 kittens I saved and then gave to the shelter. The bunny Wolfgang tore up That cat I ran over and then had to tell her people I killed her and they thanked me for telling them, they should have hit me. I am sorry I hurt you: Norma-I hung out with her because she was cool and rich. Henry- I dated him because he took me to expensive places in a fast car and he owned a club. Paul- I bloodied his nose in the 3rd grade. Matt- I was lonely and he loved me, he asked me why I wanted to break up and I told him he had a small dick and slammed the phone down. Patricia- She was scared of dying alone and I promised her I would be there when she went and when they called her code, I was outside smoking a cigarette. Tommy- I cheated on him with a drug dealer and his girlfriend. Danny- I stole his Porsche model cars. Loni- I wasn't with her when her dad died and I could have, I just didn't want to 'deal with it'. My children- I have failed you many times and many more to come. My mom- I was a disrespectful kid, and had you awake many nights, worried about me , hoping I wasn't dead. My husband- I was a bad wife. My Great Grandmother- I made you cry. myself- for trying to take my life when it's not mine to take. 
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#3
03-18-2009, 09:21 AM
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Quote:
big huge hugs back sweetie, for your grieving heart, I am sorry about your kitty.
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#4
03-18-2009, 09:29 AM
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A moment like this brings the realisation of how utterly worthless any sort of reply from me will be, after reading that.
Mere words wont suffice, so I ll just refrain. You know where I stand. Self-realisation and acceptance is a big, big thing to achieve. Right now, I bet you feel a lot more lighter, and stronger from within. You just took a big step forward in life. Congrats, and keep going.
__________________
"If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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#5
03-18-2009, 09:38 AM
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Hey, wait a minute, what about this losing 50 pounds deal? :p :D Just kidding hun! I'm really glad to see you back and I'm really sorry for all the crap you've had to deal with. But you've got the right attitude and sounds like you've learned quite a lot and are now a stronger person. THAT is awesome!
I'll PM ya with my email and phone number again in case you ever want to talk that way. Actually, I lost my job today, so I'm feeling a little sorry for myself, but in a way I'm also relieved. That place was so stressful and I was having severe stomach problems again and as odd as it may seem, I actually feel relaxed today for the first time in a long time. And yes, PLEASE forgive yourself! I think that can be the hardest part. I know I'm so much more critical of myself than I am of anyone else. But sometimes you just gotta give yourself a break, learn from your mistakes and move onward. Easier said than done, I know, but I hope hearing that from another person helps at least a little. And I hope I don't sound like a broken record, I know I give that advice out a lot, but I think it's worth repeating. Take care and good to see you here again! :)
__________________
 "There is no fuckin' ice cream in your fuckin' future." -Otis "Once in a while ya get shown the light, in the strangest of places if ya look at it right." -RH&JG "Do your best, fuck the rest." -Me "Onward, through the fog..." -Me
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#7
03-18-2009, 09:45 AM
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Powerful sentiments. Powerful realizations. Thank you for having the raw strength it takes to confess all the horrors you've been through and congratulations for the guts and strength to survive them. You do your children justice by having the guts to see where you were imperfect and confess. Most parents don't.
__________________
Horror and Bizarro novelist and editor
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#8
03-18-2009, 10:52 AM
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This kind of real life drama was what pulled me to this forum in the first place...
Grats on the transition Nova....it takes balls to come on the internet and post shit this personal and await the responses....
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#9
03-18-2009, 11:09 AM
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Congratulations Nova! You have shown great courage to have gone through all that and survived a stronger person. You can do anything now as you have the power and knowledge to do it. A bright new beginning is ahead of you, your life is yours and I wish you all the best! :)
__________________
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#10
03-18-2009, 01:42 PM
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I'm sorry you went through this, but, i'm glad you came to a realization. I'm so happy for you, I hope you continue to do better. You can PM me anytime. Good luck in all your future decisions. :) " huge hug"
__________________
I will bathe the starways in your blood.
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