A little short story..

[SKOOFx]

I wrote.

Its about a page long. Tell me what you think.

(and no, i dont have issues- i just read alot of horror novels, and it provides me "fuel" to spit back my own nasty/graphic tales)


http://www.angelfire.com/ny2/SKOOF/Disease_By_GS.pdf

[novakru]

Originally posted by SKOOFx
I wrote.

Its about a page long. Tell me what you think.

(and no, i dont have issues- i just read alot of horror novels, and it provides me "fuel" to spit back my own nasty/graphic tales)


http://www.angelfire.com/ny2/SKOOF/Disease_By_GS.pdf

I like it.
Could be more detailed.
I would like to know WHY Daniel feels this way,the beginning of this hatred he has,maybe a reason to understand his pain....send this in to some of those mags that have short horror stories-see if they bite.

[scouse mac]

Originally posted by novakru
I like it.
Could be more detailed.
I would like to know WHY Daniel feels this way,the beginning of this hatred he has,maybe a reason to understand his pain....send this in to some of those mags that have short horror stories-see if they bite.

It's good, you have a nice descriptive style but I would flesh it out a little more if you did consider sending it out to magazines. Maybe show a little of how Daniel see the world around him (not just his victim) to generate a greater sense of foreboding.

[ItsAlive75]

I'd put some characterization in there.

[Thomasgeorge]

Originally posted by ItsAlive75
I'd put some characterization i liked the gay priest who liked all the men

there was no gay priest

[The_Return]

Wouldnt let me open it:confused:

[ItsAlive75]

Originally posted by Thomasgeorge
there was no gay priest

hahaha whoah you got me good dude YOU'RE AN IDIOT.