[Stingy Jack]

What I would do with the bathroom scene from Chapter 1 is keep it as it is, only when your character looks in the mirror, limit the description to this sentence:

"When my eyes finally find their way there, I see what looks like a man about my size holding a butcher’s knife in his hand."

Then, have your character whirl around and do his thing with his weenie. When you get to the point where you say:

"Of course there was nothing there. How could there be?" and you provide the precautions he took in locking the house, then I would add: "But I could have sworn I saw the guy. Rather distinctly." Then provide the rest of the description. Of course, it's a pretty detailed description for a guy who only got a glance.

I saw your update, but I have not read it yet. Like I said before, I kind of want to wait until you have several pages (if not most of the story) written. This will provide me with a much clearer picture as to where you are taking your story, and provide me with ample material to critique. :) But, I DO want to read it!