| Kandarian Demon |
09-24-2014 04:48 AM |
So... living through a personal horror story
Hi guys... I've missed this place :-) I'm in a nursing home... they're TRYING to set up a working wifi network, and if so, I brought a crappy old laptop that at least kind of works. Right now I have limited data on my phone. I arrived at the nursing home a week ago, to stay here for an undecided length of time. I was in very bad shape at arrival, and after a night of particularly bad muscle spasms, I woke up partially paralyzed in my left lower body. Most likely I will need the surgery they adviced me so strongly against, which is not a great thought... and there is no guarantee that sensation can be restored.
I have surprised myself with how well I cope, but to be honest, that morning I freaked out. Absolutely worst moment of my life so far. But, here I am. I have to deal with this. It might be temporary or permanent... I try not to think too much ahead. I can't sit up because of the back, but I try to focus on what I can do. Watch TV. Type on my phone. It is extremely surreal, though.
Paralysis is such an odd feeling. It's not actually completely dead. It feels extremely heavy.. qhich it is, it's difficult dragging several kilos of dead weight around. But it's like there's an extreme pressure from inside and outside. And here's the cruel part: You can still feel pain. I even get the feeling of discomfort you get from not moving a limb for long periods of time. I just can't move it, or feel touch, or temperature.
Anyway... I haven't forgotten about the forum. And I'm HOPING to get easier access soon. Anyone who wants to stay in touch via Facebook are welcome to PM me.
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