View Full Version : Annoying inlaws ?
hellfire1
09-28-2007, 06:55 AM
Second topic for me in 3 days... my new record!
So, I've been living with the boyfriend for over 3 months now, and for the most part everything has been going fine... except for his fucking family.
We inconveniently live 15-20 mintues away from them by car. And since we've been here, it's been like living with the Gestapo: constant surprise visits, without even calling or asking if it's alright to come. Once we decided not to buzz them in and pretend as if we weren't here... his father pounded on our door for 10 minutes like a maniac after buzzing someone else to let him into the building! His brother is constantly dropping by.. once while it was "business time" (;) ), etc...
I know it's like an unspoken rule that inlaws are supposed to get on your nerves, especially the mother in law, but I was so unprepared for this! Anyone else have problems with their inlaws ? Any horror stories of your own ?
novakru
09-28-2007, 07:01 AM
The apple never falls far from the tree.
Ditch the boyfriend, it will save you YEARS of heartache.
hellfire1
09-28-2007, 07:04 AM
Seriously ??? Got anything a bit less radical ?? I have been with the guy for almost 5 years now. I'd kinda like to keep him !
Despare
09-28-2007, 07:10 AM
My wife and I live 10-15 minutes from both of our families and have had not ONE surprise visit. Even when I hadn't had my family over for almost six months my grandma simply commented that she'd love to see the house so we invited her over. Both families are very respectful and that's what it comes down to, it's a matter of respect. Put your foot down.
novakru
09-28-2007, 07:11 AM
5 years?
That's impressive:)
Ditch the boyfriend...JK!
I would say just ignore the in-laws weirdness, they never get any better.
So, the only thing you can control and change is how YOU deal with it.
In my case, I just toughened up and stopped caring what they said or how they acted....It took about 7 years but now I am the most pleasant person in the world when I have to co-exsist around them:D
novakru
09-28-2007, 07:14 AM
Oh and when they 'drop in', just say "I'm sorry I wasn't expecting you, I have plans, can you call the next so I can be ready for company?"
Do that a coupla of times and they will get the hint-you have to train people...like dogs.
hellfire1
09-28-2007, 07:24 AM
@ despare : lucky bastard ! :p to these people, it's nothing at all. it's completely normal, if they're around, to stop by. or come if they so feel like it. they have no boundaries whatsoever. his brother now calls before coming by, but only to TELL us that he's coming (not ask), and if we happen to not answer our phones, he comes by anyway !
@novak : yeah, i'm actually impressed myself. had i known about the family earlier, i probably would have ditched him! I am trying to get better at handling it. The boyfriend gets deprived of sex when it happens.. but I feel like it's out of his hands as well.
Despare
09-28-2007, 07:29 AM
Just one time when they come over let them hear you yell, "pretend we're not home". Then proceed to close the drapes, turn off the lights real quick, and make sure your cars are in plain view heh.
jenna26
09-28-2007, 08:04 AM
My in laws are wonderful people, and very easy to get along with (and I am not just saying that because my husband might read this ;) ). They live about ten minutes from us, and have yet to drop in unannounced. They stop by sometimes to drop stuff off for us, but they leave it on the porch. If they want to see us, or vice versa, we make plans a few days in advance.
Now my parents, I almost feel sorry for my husband.....because they are completely insane.....hahaha....:D But they live in Georgia.
I had an ex-boyfriend whose mother was a freakin' nghtmare, but in this case, Nova is right, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I spent a couple of years in hell dealing with her shit, and his......and I couldn't tell you which one was worse.
But you just have to let him know very clearly that it is unacceptable for them to drop in unexpectedly. Really, its going to be up to him to stand up to them (though you both can, the brunt of it will be on him), which is never easy when its your family. There is always hurt feelings. But there's really nothing you can do except make it clear what your feelings are on the subject, and just deal with it until there is a change.
I lived with my mother-in-law for 15 years......until my wife had a fight with her and threw her out.
hmmmm.....between that and four kids....its no wonder I drink as much beer as I do.
kpropain
09-28-2007, 08:19 AM
Thankfully my fiances family is close to eleven hours away...My family lives around me but they aren't so bad, they usually don't stop by unless they call.
missmacabre
09-28-2007, 08:50 AM
Well, I'm not married but my sorta inlaws aren't that bad. I love my boyfriends Mom and sister. They're really out there and fun, my kinda people. His Dad is a nice guy but I don't think he'll ever like me that much. Sees me as a distraction. His Dad's girlfriend is nice enough too.
The only thing that remotely bothers me is how his Mom will intentionally give us very little alone time because she's suspicious.
the_man_you_fear
09-28-2007, 09:48 AM
Second topic for me in 3 days... my new record!
So, I've been living with the boyfriend for over 3 months now, and for the most part everything has been going fine... except for his fucking family.
We inconveniently live 15-20 mintues away from them by car. And since we've been here, it's been like living with the Gestapo: constant surprise visits, without even calling or asking if it's alright to come. Once we decided not to buzz them in and pretend as if we weren't here... his father pounded on our door for 10 minutes like a maniac after buzzing someone else to let him into the building! His brother is constantly dropping by.. once while it was "business time" (;) ), etc...
I know it's like an unspoken rule that inlaws are supposed to get on your nerves, especially the mother in law, but I was so unprepared for this! Anyone else have problems with their inlaws ? Any horror stories of your own ?
you see in moments like this I ask myself WWJD? thats right what would jason do? well Ill tell you what, you should kill your in laws and throw in a near by lake. and when your boyfriend finds out act all surprised like "oh my god I cant belive it." ;)
seriously just be honest with em say "hey I relize that your his parents, but we are adults and we want our privacy. thats why we got our own place and you should respect that." thats what Id do. hope it helps some
Rayne
09-28-2007, 09:51 AM
Not quite AS radical as the first suggestion ( :D )...But, I would say move...
My first in-laws lived 17 hours away...
My current in-laws live 6 hours away...
I've never had any problem with ANY of them ;)
Vodstok
09-28-2007, 09:57 AM
i have a unique situation:
My mother in law lives near seattle, the other side of the continent. We love her.
My family lives 20 minutes away, and we havent spoken to them in over a year. I just told them to stop calling and emailing us, basically because they lived 20 minutes away and wouldnt get off their asses and visit. (we had a baby and they couldnt be bothered to travel 20 minutes in the opposite direction of where all the shopping is....)
Well, that and they told me my daughter wasnt important enough to justify the drive, and never would be as special as my niece.
So yeah, in laws can sometimes be better than your own family.
Well, that and they told me my daughter wasnt important enough to justify the drive, and never would be as special as my niece.
Wow...not to get personal Vod....but what an asshole remark.
Vodstok
09-28-2007, 10:35 AM
Wow...not to get personal Vod....but what an asshole remark.
No shit. I told them their attitude was unacceptable, and that they could stop all communication with me and my family, no emails, no calls, no letters. It was a very polite "Fuck off".
DP McCoy
09-28-2007, 10:39 AM
No shit. I told them their attitude was unacceptable, and that they could stop all communication with me and my family, no emails, no calls, no letters. It was a very polite "Fuck off".
I think you should have dropped the politeness and just told them to "Fuck off",what a horrible thing to say about a Grandchild.
hellfire1
09-28-2007, 11:09 AM
We are planning to move as soon as we have enough money saved up, so I keep telling myself it's only for a little bit. I'm not saying that his family are bad people, they're actually really nice, they just have no boundaries. Privacy doesn't seem to be valued at all with them, and I have always been a very private person.
And I know what you mean Vod... I have family that's really no better, believe me. Shitty fucking thing to say, but I'm sure you guys are better off without them.