View Full Version : The "NO DRAMA" thread
hammerfan
08-06-2012, 07:04 AM
AAAAW kitties!!!http://i1180.photobucket.com/albums/x411/stingle8/561420_3548756839366_938582081_n.jpg
Yes, around here I'm known as the crazy cat lady! And I'm OK with that! :D
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08-06-2012, 10:50 AM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/dyson-warning-dyson-vac-ball-hospital-funny-demotivational-posters-1336364636.jpg
hammerfan
08-06-2012, 10:52 AM
bwahahahahahaha!
wizard of gore
08-06-2012, 08:14 PM
actually i didnt really find that one funny
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08-08-2012, 10:24 AM
It's the Spring of 1957 and Lewis goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.
"Mary Jane's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he says.
"That's cool" says Lewis.
Mary Jane's father asks Lewis what they're planning to do. Lewis replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Mary Jane's father responds "why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the cool kids are doing it."
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Lewis - so he asks Mary Jane's Dad to repeat it.
"Yeah," says Mary Jane's father, "Mary Jane really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Well, this just made Lewis' eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Mary Jane comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Lewis escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Mary Jane rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:
"Dammit Daddy! It's called the TWIST!"
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08-08-2012, 10:28 AM
An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman. No matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.
"Okay," he says to the husband. "Let's try the reverse. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. They go home and hire the strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man goes at it with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly:
"You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman. No matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.
"Okay," he says to the husband. "Let's try the reverse. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. They go home and hire the strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man goes at it with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly:
"You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!"
heeheee :D
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08-13-2012, 09:35 PM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/4762915_700b-500x649.jpg
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08-13-2012, 09:36 PM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/97834_v0_460x.jpg
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08-17-2012, 05:41 AM
How the gentlemen died out.
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/how-the-gentlemen-died-out.jpg
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08-17-2012, 05:42 AM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/that-look-right-before-you-sneeze-500x396.jpg
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08-22-2012, 11:28 AM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/523476_422703734431966_329505774_n.jpg
Posher778
08-22-2012, 12:18 PM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/523476_422703734431966_329505774_n.jpg
In your dreams.
Posher778
08-22-2012, 12:19 PM
So this soccer ball rolls into a bar, right?
And the bartender kicked him out!
So this soccer ball rolls into a bar, right?
And the bartender kicked him out!
kinda cute...made me smile
but on a serious note: The discrimination of soccer balls in certain regions is nothing to laugh at.
fortunato
08-22-2012, 08:44 PM
kinda cute...made me smile
but on a serious note: The discrimination of soccer balls in certain regions is nothing to laugh at.
That's true. Joking about it only undermines the real issue.
Scarecrows, on the other hand:
Why did the scarecrow get a Nobel Prize?
Because he was out standing in his field!
Get it?!
Fearonsarms
08-26-2012, 02:57 AM
That's true. Joking about it only undermines the real issue.
Scarecrows, on the other hand:
Why did the scarecrow get a Nobel Prize?
Because he was out standing in his field!
Get it?!
I did lol at that :)
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08-26-2012, 05:46 AM
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, John! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh, no," says John. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks John if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, and says "Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" John's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, John."
ferretchucker
08-29-2012, 02:07 PM
A woman walks into the vet's office clutching her pet duck. She takes it to the doctor and says "My...my duck, it's neck's gone all floppy! What's wrong with it?"
He takes a good look then speaks solemnly to her - "I'm...I'm sorry, but your duck is dead."
She stumbles in disbelief, shaking her head. "No...no I can't accept that. I need a second opinion!" So the vet sighs and whistles. His pet Labrador runs in, jumps up to the table, sniffs the duck and shakes it head.
"You see?" Says the vet.
"No...no I still can't accept it. Another opinion, and then I'll believe you."
So the vet sighs once more and clicks his tongue. A small cat runs in from the other room and jumps onto the table. It looks the duck up and down, turns to the woman and shakes its head.
"Okay...okay, I accept it. My duck is dead," she sniffs. "How much do I owe you?"
"£150" Replies the vet.
Absolutely appalled, the woman - aghast - begins to complain.
"Well," replies the vet, "I was only going to charge 10, but then you made me go and get the lab report and a cat scan!"
a woman walks into the vet's office clutching her pet duck. She takes it to the doctor and says "my...my duck, it's neck's gone all floppy! What's wrong with it?"
he takes a good look then speaks solemnly to her - "i'm...i'm sorry, but your duck is dead."
she stumbles in disbelief, shaking her head. "no...no i can't accept that. I need a second opinion!" so the vet sighs and whistles. His pet labrador runs in, jumps up to the table, sniffs the duck and shakes it head.
"you see?" says the vet.
"no...no i still can't accept it. Another opinion, and then i'll believe you."
so the vet sighs once more and clicks his tongue. A small cat runs in from the other room and jumps onto the table. It looks the duck up and down, turns to the woman and shakes its head.
"okay...okay, i accept it. My duck is dead," she sniffs. "how much do i owe you?"
"£150" replies the vet.
Absolutely appalled, the woman - aghast - begins to complain.
"well," replies the vet, "i was only going to charge 10, but then you made me go and get the lab report and a cat scan!"
boo hisss
Whats red and bad for your your teeth?.......a brick
Have you ever had sex whilst camping??.....its fucking in tents.
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08-31-2012, 07:05 AM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/hi-there-im-death.jpg
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/murphys-law-states.jpg
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/the-best-way-for-a-woman-to-attract-a-man-is-with-her-eyes-boobs.jpg
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09-05-2012, 04:28 AM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/105933_v0_460x.jpg
hammerfan
09-05-2012, 06:53 AM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/105933_v0_460x.jpg
OMFG!!!!! Hilarious!
Posher778
09-08-2012, 05:21 PM
This is for newb:
Woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.' The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'
The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: ' $1,000'
The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'
They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that nonsense again; you're in my closet now.
This is for newb:
Woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.' The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'
The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: ' $1,000'
The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'
They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that nonsense again; you're in my closet now.
funny....but why did you direct that at me
are you trying to get me out of the closet or something?
:eek:
Posher778
09-09-2012, 04:27 PM
funny....but why did you direct that at me
are you trying to get me out of the closet or something?
:eek:
I'm perfectly content with you hiding in my closet!
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09-20-2012, 09:23 AM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/5398067_700b_v1_zps6371659d.jpg
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/this-isnt-tuna_zps35558ba7.jpg
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/l-1517_zps3a4e361e.jpg
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/46520_431780956857577_1298709445_n_zps83d08b45.jpg
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10-04-2012, 11:02 AM
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g12/ravenavi/Demotivational-Posters-Babies-1.jpg
DP McCoy
10-07-2012, 07:15 AM
Why did the Mexican push his wife of a cliff ?
Tequila !
http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u139/dazpier/Tumbleweed-1.gif
fortunato
10-07-2012, 07:39 AM
Why did the Mexican push his wife of a cliff ?
Tequila !
http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u139/dazpier/Tumbleweed-1.gif
iMpXAknykeg
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05-14-2014, 06:53 AM
Three old men are discussing their sex lives.
The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for 5 minutes at the end."
The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex I rubbed her body all over with butter. We made passionate love and she screamed for 15 minutes."
The old Jewish man says, "Well last week my wife and I sex too. I rubbed her body all over with chicken schmaltz (kosher chicken fat), we made love and she screamed for 6 hours."
The Italian and Frenchman were stunned.
They replied, "What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for 6 hours?"
"I wiped my hands on the drapes."
---------------------------------
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too..." she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."
----------------------------------
A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens.
The farmer is impressed.
At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore, he is worried. Next morning, not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys, ducks, even the cow!
Later, the farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed and vultures circling overhead.
The farmer runs out, looks down at the young rooster's limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!"
The young rooster then opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, "Shhhh! They are about to land!"
-----------------------------------
Telephone rings, woman answers.
Pervert, breathing heavily, says,
"I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?"
Woman replies, "Yes, I have. He's watching football...Who shall I say is calling?"
-----------------------------------
This is why God invented menopause...
With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
"May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother, "Soon."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"Not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"
"WHEN IT CRIES," she told them.
"WHEN IT CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES?!"
"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it..."
hammerfan
05-20-2014, 07:37 AM
http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u230/margie1959/funny_zps98cca53e.jpg (http://s169.photobucket.com/user/margie1959/media/funny_zps98cca53e.jpg.html)
hammerfan
05-21-2014, 07:46 AM
http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u230/margie1959/mittenkitten_zpsfd29efc7.jpg (http://s169.photobucket.com/user/margie1959/media/mittenkitten_zpsfd29efc7.jpg.html)
DeadbeatAtDawn
09-09-2014, 02:17 AM
http://i.imgur.com/1RD24AJ.jpg
horcrux2007
09-09-2014, 03:41 AM
Oooh my state has Interview with the Vampire. I remember watching that when it came on TV when I was like 6 for some reason.
Why don't shrimp give to charity
because they're shellfish
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v259/rockinmule/hands_clapping_lg_clr.gif (http://smg.photobucket.com/user/rockinmule/media/hands_clapping_lg_clr.gif.html)
Sculpt
09-26-2014, 11:04 AM
more walking dead [/YOUTUBE]
LOL! Hilarious! That's one of their best. I love these. Still love the 'NFL' one.
These are excellent too. Every see these?
?v=83oBu6pgh7k
Despare
09-27-2014, 11:14 AM
What did the acorn say when it grew up?
Geometry!
horcrux2007
09-27-2014, 12:03 PM
What did the acorn say when it grew up?
Geometry!
??
The Bloofer Lady
09-27-2014, 12:25 PM
??
Gee, I'm a tree!! I was "stumped" at first, too. ::big grin::
horcrux2007
09-27-2014, 12:27 PM
Gee, I'm a tree!! I was "stumped" at first, too. ::big grin::
Oh my god
The Bloofer Lady
09-27-2014, 04:31 PM
Oh my god
What....it's adorable!!! You're just mad that an old lady outsmarted you.
hammerfan
09-27-2014, 04:37 PM
I'm running with scissors! ::stick out tongue::
horcrux2007
09-27-2014, 04:49 PM
What....it's adorable!!! You're just mad that an old lady outsmarted you.
I won't confirm nor deny that statement.
The Bloofer Lady
09-27-2014, 05:09 PM
I won't confirm nor deny that statement.
Very wise, Grasshopper.
ChronoGrl
09-27-2014, 06:21 PM
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
NACHO CHEESE