Shitty Critiques

[IDrinkYourBlood]

I wanna know why some critiques out there are so stupid when it comes to movies. Especially quotes on the back of movies. I was looking at the dvd case of "alone in the dark" for a laugh and on the back it has quotes. they were something to the effect of "Slaters greatest preformance" "Scarey as hell", like what the fudge!? Are they retarded or something? on the "BoogyMan" case it says "The scariest movie EVER!" I mean honestly, are they drunk or something. Anyone name anymore bull shit quotes?

[ItsAlive75]

It's like when TV spots for movies like "Ice Princess" say things like...

The summer's BEST family film!

or..

The most fun you'll have in the theatre all year!

[barbra]

scariest movie ever" is on like 3847982323469258 movie boxes

[hebgbzz]

It's a tough market out there, I guess. I like the quotes where they dig up some guy from Backroads, Iowa or a radio D.J. that most of the world hasn't heard of. Thats usually an indication that the movie is a stinker. Also, they have a tendency to show the most lurid stills from a movie, sometimes misrepresenting the movie entirely. I avoided an Austrailian movie titled, Next of Kin, because of a few photos that showed a blood-soaked guy's face. Finally I rented it because I nearly exhausted the horror section and it turned out to be about two minutes of the film. The rest of the movie was great, creepy and beautifully shot. Gore-free. It's those little surprises that keep most horror fans going.

[ItsAlive75]

Originally posted by hebgbzz
It's a tough market out there, I guess. I like the quotes where they dig up some guy from Backroads, Iowa that most of the world hasn't heard of. Thats usually an indication that the movie is a stinker.

Oooooooh....

You are now my enemy.
:mad:

[hebgbzz]

Originally posted by ItsAlive75
Oooooooh....

You are now my enemy.
:mad:
You know, I was concerned about using Iowa. How 'bout I change that to eastern Washington? Not the western portion 'cause that's where I live. It was truly just an attempt to illustrate remoteness, nothing against Iowa, personally. :)

[ItsAlive75]

Originally posted by hebgbzz
You know, I was concerned about using Iowa. How 'bout I change that to eastern Washington? Not the western portion 'cause that's where I live. It was truly just an attempt to illustrate remoteness, nothing against Iowa, personally. :)

Hah, I was jokin' anyway.

There's times I hate the folks round these here parts too.

[hebgbzz]

Originally posted by ItsAlive75
Hah, I was jokin' anyway.

There's times I hate the folks round these here parts too.
I am happy to hear that, not here to annoy or offend. It's all about unity, Baby! I pick on eastern Washington 'cause there's so many dang Republicans over there....I kid-I kid!

[mothermold]

Originally posted by IDrinkYourBlood
I wanna know why some critiques out there are so stupid when it comes to movies. Especially quotes on the back of movies. I was looking at the dvd case of "alone in the dark" for a laugh and on the back it has quotes. they were something to the effect of "Slaters greatest preformance" "Scarey as hell", like what the fudge!? Are they retarded or something? on the "BoogyMan" case it says "The scariest movie EVER!" I mean honestly, are they drunk or something. Anyone name anymore bull shit quotes?

even scarier yet...the idea that some people may actually be swayed by these bull shit quotes.

i'm convinced they(the producers)just make the shit up,or at the very least take it out of context.

[hebgbzz]

Originally posted by mothermold
even scarier yet...the idea that some people may actually be swayed by these bull shit quotes.

i'm convinced they(the producers)just make the shit up,or at the very least take it out of context.

What's also annoying is when they show clips that aren't even in the movie. Or reviewers that haven't seen the movie. That happens often in mega books of movie reviews.

[ShankS]

the shit spiel on the covers, is there just for the mainstream viewers who watch/buy nothing but hollywood junk.

[Vodstok]

I watched something about this one time on tv a long time ago. The film studios were gathering up "film critics" from local news shows and radio shows, small town paper critics, nobodys like that, then setting them up in a 4 star hotel in LA or NY, then buying them a big dinner and showing them the movie, with suggestions that if they "like" it, they may be asked to attend another screening....

So context means very little when Jerry from East Bumfucked gets to have surf and turf 3 times a year for free because he thinks all of Newline's new horror "classics" are "Great, scarier than the Exorcist".

During the same report, Roger Ebert said he was a superior (read: "The only Qualified") critic, because he actually wrote a movie.

:rolleyes:
He wrote Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. I hardly think that makes him an oscar-worthy screenwriter...

[Haunted]

Rivetting.

[Vodstok]

My favorite:

"A roller-coaster ride of thrills."

That was original back in the 40s....

[urgeok]

i love it when a direct to video low budget ripoff of a blockbuster comes out and the reviewer (again some unknown from a town no-one has heard of) says 'it's better than - 'the origional'.

i bet these people dont exist or they are some unknown shitheads that were paid off to get their names on a video box cover.

[Vodstok]

or *cringe*

They actually BELIEVE what they are saying....

[meetthecreeper]

Roger Ebert I think is actually pretty decent, Gene Siskel was pretty good too, but the moron that replaced him, Richard Roeper, is a total fukin moron.

He gives a thumbs up to everything, he gave Josie and the Pussycats a thumbs up.

I remember the look on Eberts face.

I think he was thinking 'boy this guy is a fuckin moron, boy am I hungry'

Josie and the Pussycats??? I tried to watch it to see the appeal, I wanted to blow my brains out with a potato gun after the first 15 mins.

[urgeok]

Originally posted by meetthecreeper
Roger Ebert I think is actually pretty decent, Gene Siskel was pretty good too, but the moron that replaced him, Richard Roeper, is a total fukin moron.

He gives a thumbs up to everything, he gave Josie and the Pussycats a thumbs up.

I remember the look on Eberts face.

I think he was thinking 'boy this guy is a fuckin moron, boy am I hungry'

Josie and the Pussycats??? I tried to watch it to see the appeal, I wanted to blow my brains out with a potato gun after the first 15 mins.

shit i thought it was ok ...
the parody of the boy band was hilarious ..
I recall most critics actually praising that film ...

i thought it was great fun .. Parker Posey was great as always ...
cant say a bad thing about it .. it was a pretty good adaptation of a cartoon..