Based on Stephen King source material of the same name, Everything's Eventual is the story of a psychic killer (think: Chuck Palahniuk's novel Lullaby, Brian De Palma's movie The Fury, or the classic Billy Mumy episode of Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone). Basically, one bad thought from this guy and you're toast.
In this case, the guy is Dinky Earnshaw (Michael Flores), and the thoughts are articulated through hieroglyphs sent via email. Dinky learns of his terrifying talent early on when he accidently kills some irritating insects and then tests his inner death-ray on the neighbor's barking dog. As he matures Dinky hones his skill and trains it to do good deeds for him (he imagines having apple pie for dinner, and sure enough there's one waiting for him when he gets home from work).
But Dinky's talents are too valuable for the whipping up of decadent desserts — instead, they wind up being used to make sure certain people get their just desserts. These doomed souls are the targets of a mysterious and shadowy institute fronted by a buttoned up Brit known only as Mr. Sharpton (Joe Jones). He acts as Dinky's point of contact and does his best to keep Dinky from asking too many questions. But of course the telepath eventually gets suspicious and embarks on a deadly investigation into the organization that could spell the end of it all.
Normally I would just internally applaud the efforts of the independent filmmakers and inexperienced actors, and let it go at that. I would not write a review. However, with the expectation that a King opus brings with it to horror fans, I feel as though I must warn: Everything's Eventual is terrible. And not fun-terrible in an even vaguely amusing way… it's just embarrassingly bad and hard to watch. I'm sure the director, actors and screenwriter are nice guys and I know they didn't set out to make a subpar feature, but… wow. How'd they get the rights to a Stephen King story? They must either be friends or blackmailers, because I can't see any other way. (OK, I'll come clean: I know it's a "Dollar Baby " project.)
Aside from Jones as the devilishly dapper Mr. Sharpton, the acting is absolutely atrocious. And the film is miscast, to boot. Dinky does not look like the type of guy who sees more ass than a toilet seat at Grand Central Station (even if he had $100 bills falling out of his pockets, which he doesn't), and his best friend Pug (Cavin Gray Schneider), who's supposed to be a hardcore military man, has a physique more like the Michelin Man. The editing, composition of shots, and overall look and flow of the film is a murky mess.
Much as it pains me to write a negative review on a little indie like this, it hurts even worse to watch it — so don't.
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Reviewed by Staci Layne Wilson