The Cell 2 DVD Review
The Cell 2 DVD Review
Saw's sawed-off spawn
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Remember the boxed-head of the first victim in Saw V? Remember Costas Mandylor's stoic performance and awesome hair-do from Saws III, IV and V? Remember Jigsaw's distorted voice from all the movies? How about the "determined female cop" hot on the trail of a vicious murderer? You do? OK, then. No need to watch this crib-note of a cheap knockoff entitled The Cell². It's not a Saw movie, though it desperately wants to be; it also has absolutely nothing in common with Tarsem Singh's 2000 visual feat of mental anguish, The Cell.
Make that almost absolutely nothing — The Cell² is about a law enforcement professional who can virtually go inside the twisted mind of a sadistic serial killer, but that is where the similarities end. This made on the fly, sparse-looking follow up(going straight to DVD and Video-on-Demand June 23) is helmed by TV director Tim Iacofano and acted by people you've probably never heard of (unless you're a fan of the underrated Frank Whaley, who has a supporting role). I am sure it's safe to say that this story was meant to be its own horror thing, but got scraped together and cobbled into a fan-fooling franken-sequel for the name alone.
Bart Johnson plays Agent Skylar, an FBI guy who can't be bothered with a protective helmet or Kevlar vest even when busting into potential armed suspects' lairs; and Tessie Santiago is Maya Casteneda, the semi-psychic criminal-hunter who can see everything "The Cusp" (yeah, that's the slayer's nickname: try saying that five times fast with a lisp) sees, thanks to a flimsy Bluetooth-type dongle she slips onto her head when needed.
Formerly (though some might argue otherwise) comatose Maya is now an extrasensory investigator trying to locate The Cusp — a mindless maniac who likes to bring his X-only chromosome victims to the brink of death, and then revives them over and over again until they beg for their final exit — before he can kill again. Maya's been hired by the FBI, but at every turn they hobble her. I wish they'd have just listened to her in the first five minutes (because then, the movie would have only been five minutes long).
Now I understand this sequel did not enjoy the same budget as The Cell, but if you can't even go to bat then don't take a swing. Not everyone liked The Cell, but I personally thought it was well-acted, beautifully directed, originally written, and it was lovingly laden with a lush, creepy, extreme imagery which reminded me of a Salvatore Dali painting. In comparison, The Cell² is a non-artistic second-grader's finger-painting project that got a generous D. Let's just say there is nothing special about the effects, here.
Poor CGI makes the slapdash cinematography look that much worse. Granted, he wasn't given much to work with but Daddy Day Camp DP Geno Salvatori can't even make the least of grey iron bars, industrial dirt lots and empty warehouses. Shaky-cam and sickly green casts to the shadows are resorted to time and time again. So The Cell² is not only predictable and boring, it's ugly too!
Extras on the DVD are pathetic gestures. In the featurette, the producers, filmmakers and actors put forth thinly-veiled apologies for the movie in talking about the lack of budget and extremely short shooting schedule… while still managing to pat themselves and each other on the back far too enthusiastically for their so-called accomplishment. This goes on for some 30 minutes.
If you liked The Cell's seductive, dreamy horror art-film vibe, do not allow yourself to be seduced by the title of this low-budget, poorly presented waste of time!
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Reviewed by Staci Layne Wilson