The Thirst (DVD)

I seldom do this, but prior to putting fingers to keyboard to bang this baby out, I did some web-surfing to see what other reviewers thought of The Thirst. I was curious, because the front cover of the DVD proclaims, "Requiem For A Dream meets Near Dark!", and aside from the depiction of drug abuse, and vampirism, I found no such similarities in viewing the film. (Of course, during my hunt I learned the quote comes from CFQ Magazine, whose production company just happened to've birthed this B-star studded beast.)

Overall, the notices from online critics were good. I've racked my mind for any of those so called nuggets of bad-movie gold, and for the life of me I cannot reconcile those positive reviews with the frightful flick I witnessed. For starters, Adam Baldwin* is in it. No major disrespect to that plenteous family of "selfish little pigs", but let's face it: Adam + vampire movie = hog slop. (Wait a minute… which one is Adam? I think he was in the TV show Angel, which actually wasn't bad. Oh, and when did Jeremy Sisto start playing "old man" characters?)

Sisto plays Darius, the patriarch of a loony vampiric clan who are protecting / harboring / seducing a cancer-riddled, well-endowed stripper named Lisa (Clare Kramer). Unfortunately for the randy undead (which includes a pair of crazed lesbians), Lisa is saddled with a pesky boyfriend (Matt Keeslar) — but he's devoted. Even after she dies, he, a former drug addict, tries to help her kick her red corpuscle compulsion by getting her to drink from dead cats. I think The Thirst is supposed to be campy (cases in point: silly Sisto accent, guttural girl-on-girl lovin', and yeah, those putrid pussycats) but I just didn't get it.

As I forced myself to watch this thankfully short movie for the purposes of this review, I was bored beyond words. Fortunately (or unfortunately, as the case may be), the exceedingly loud, blaring industrial-lite soundtrack jolted my senses awake at regular intervals.

I will admit; on the plus-side, there are plenty of low-budget tinged grand guignol moments crafted especially for gorehounds. They include but are certainly not limited to: flesh-ripping bites, dismembered body parts, beheadings, and some bloody-good arterial spray soakings. (And fans of boobs will be chuffed as well.)

The Thirst DVD extras include  audio commentary with Director Jeremy Kasten, nearly 20 minutes of deleted scenes, and the script on DVD-ROM.

= = =

*Yes, I know that he's not an official Baldwin...