Im writing a book and need feedback.

[anglewitch]

How many different kinds of flowers are around the church, I am willing to say its probably wild flower honey.

[Jake.Ashworth]

There are tons of flowers, all over the property.

[anglewitch]

Wild flower new it. We beekeepers call honey that has nectar and pollen from different kinds of flowers wild flower.

[Jake.Ashworth]

I just know that its delicious and sweet. We use it in a lot of our cooking.

[anglewitch]

Originally Posted by Jake.Ashworth

I just know that its delicious and sweet. We use it in a lot of our cooking.

Tried it in your coffee yet.
what ever you do don't taste honeydew honey it tastes like burnt axil grease.

[JacobCain1971]

Hi Jake,

Managed the next part of your book last night. Just a few pointers (and i apologise in advance if you already know this, and it's simply the forum's way of displaying text) but you may need to look at how you're setting things out grammatically . . .

Example

One day after class was over she came into my bedroom where I was playing a new game that I ordered from the internet for my playstation. She didn’t like playing games and for some reason wasn’t a fan of me playing them, she said it rotted my mind and killed my creativity. I felt plenty creative. She said “Hey kid! Want to get some pizza and have a movie night?” I replied distracted “Yeah that sounds like fun, can it be horror movies tonight?” She got easily scared and would always sit really close when we watched them. “I guess, it is your turn to pick. Ill order the pizza and come get you when it get here.” she said looking a little nervous about the horror movies. I just nodded my head, completely absorbed in the fantasy world of the game.


Split your body text into more readable snippets. It flows better.

One day after class was over she came into my bedroom where I was playing a new game that I ordered from the internet for my playstation. She didn't like playing games and for some reason wasn't a fan of me playing them, she said it rotted my mind and killed my creativity. I felt plenty creative.
She said, “Hey kid! Want to get some pizza and have a movie night?”
“Yeah that sounds like fun, can it be horror movies tonight?” I replied somewhat distracted. She got easily scared and would always sit really close when we watched them.
“I guess, it is your turn to pick. I'll order the pizza and come get you when it get here,” she said, looking a little nervous about the horror movies.
I just nodded my head, completely absorbed in the fantasy world of the game.

Again, sorry if you already know all this.

Regarding the story, still really enjoying it! :-)

[TeddyFreddy]

Originally Posted by anglewitch

Tried it in your coffee yet.
what ever you do don't taste honeydew honey it tastes like burnt axil grease.

ok so this is like an educational lesson for me lol, you put flowers in honey???? sooooo confused right now lol. just thought honey was bee juice.

[JacobCain1971]

Originally Posted by TeddyFreddy

ok so this is like an educational lesson for me lol, you put flowers in honey???? sooooo confused right now lol. just thought honey was bee juice.

Bee POO!

[TeddyFreddy]

ewwwww

[anglewitch]

Originally Posted by TeddyFreddy

ok so this is like an educational lesson for me lol, you put flowers in honey???? sooooo confused right now lol. just thought honey was bee juice.

No you don't put flowers in the honey, the bees gather the nectar and pollen from flowers which gives the different kinds of honey its different kinds of flavors.

Originally Posted by JacobCain1971

Bee POO!

Damn it, you know better than that!

Originally Posted by TeddyFreddy

ewwwww

No need to worry, honey made out of bee "POO", the only kind of honey that is made of "POO" is honeydew honey. Its made from aphid "POO".