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#51
08-29-2006, 09:29 PM
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Elephant's Memory - Amazing Story!!!
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it. > > As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. > > Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. > > Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him. > > > > > > > Probably wasn't the same elephant. 
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#52
08-30-2006, 06:07 AM
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Quote:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA fuck... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
__________________
my opinion counts dammit so says my Lord :D
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#53
08-30-2006, 06:13 AM
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I heard thios on the radio presented as if it were a real story. #1 problem with it:
the guy's name is 1 letter off from "Mokele Mbembe", a creature in the deep african jungles believed ot be a living sauropod dinosaur. Think of it as Nessie of the Congo. Sorry. Quote:
__________________
Some misguided people decided I was funny enough to pay. See if they're right: http://www.cracked.com/members/Vodstok/ (I tweet pretty hardcore, too)
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#54
08-30-2006, 06:17 AM
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On a lighter note:
two college guys were speeding through Texas when they got pulle dover by a state trooper. The cop walked up to the driver's side and tapped on the glass with his nightstick. when the window rolled down, he thwapped the driver in the forehead with the stick. he then asked for his license and registration and ran a check. after giving him his stuff back, he walked to the other side of the car and thwapped the other guy in the fore head too. "What the hell was that for?" the second guy shouted. The cop smiled and said "I'm granting you your wish." "My wish?" "Yeah. you would be 2 miles down the road and would have said 'I wish he would have tried that shit with me...'"
__________________
Some misguided people decided I was funny enough to pay. See if they're right: http://www.cracked.com/members/Vodstok/ (I tweet pretty hardcore, too)
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#55
08-30-2006, 11:43 AM
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A joke I heard from a Minnesota Vikings fan...
How do you keep the Chicago Bears off your property? Put a goal post on it.
__________________
MISINTUPITATED- The act of removing the spine by use of fire. DEVESTED- The removal of one's vest. SCTUPP- To deficate on a woman after nonconsensual sex.
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#56
08-30-2006, 01:05 PM
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A guy is a gynocologist, and most of his patients are fro a loval college.
one girl comes in, and he notices a giant "C" on her chest. he says "if you dont mind my asking, what is that from?" She looks down and says "oh that. My boyfriend goes to connecticut state and refuses to take off his school sweater when we have sex." he thinks it's odd, but it makes sense. The next day, another girl, this one with an "M". he asks her what the deal is. "My boyfriend goes to Michigan state and refuses to take off his school sweater when we have sex." later that day, same thing, another "M". this time he says "let me guess: you have aboyfriend who goes to michigan state and refuses to take off his sweater when you have sex." the girl says "No, my girlfriend goes to Wisconson state."
__________________
Some misguided people decided I was funny enough to pay. See if they're right: http://www.cracked.com/members/Vodstok/ (I tweet pretty hardcore, too)
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#57
08-30-2006, 01:30 PM
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Quote:
__________________
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#58
08-30-2006, 02:13 PM
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Quite a long joke, read if you are very bored :P
A man walks into a bar, accompanied by a talking ostritch and cat. The barman looking slightly puzzled asks what he wants, he orders a beer, the ostritch asks for the same and the cat says yeah I'll have a beer too but I'm not fucking paying! The confused barman says to the man, err okay sir that will be £7.80. The man puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a load of change, exactly 7 pounds and 80 pence. After their beers the barman asks if they want something else, the man says yes I'll have a whiskey and coke, the ostritch asks for the same, and the cat says yeah I spose I'll have the same then, but I'm not fucking paying! The barman asks for the £9.45 the man owes for the drinks, the man puts his hand in his pocket, pulls out a load of change and once again he's pulled out 9 pounds and 45 pence. This goes on a few more times, then the barman decides to ask the man about it. He says: "Look its already quite strange how you have a talking ostritch and cat, but how come you always pull out the exact amount of change you need for the drinks, whats going on?" The man explains how he met a genie, that gave him 2 wishes. He explained that his first wish, was for whenever he needed to pay for something, he would simply reach into his pocket and he would have the exact amount he needed. "Thats brilliant!" The barman said. "Thats even better than asking for a million pounds, because you'll never run out of money, you'll always have what you need! Wow thats excellent, what was your second wish?" The man went on to say "well I wasnt as clever there, I asked for a tall bird with long legs and a tight pussy" Thats an extremely old joke from england, goes on a bit but hope you liked the punch line :P
__________________
If you're bored laugh at some of my work at http://www.digital-renegades.co.uk/michael 1,2 Michael's coming for you...3,4 Better lock your door...5,6 Grab a crucifix...7,8 Better stay up late...9,10 Never sleep again.
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#59
08-30-2006, 05:12 PM
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A flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle saying "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."
__________________
...  If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be
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