|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
#481
08-02-2012, 07:52 AM
|
||||
|
||||
__________________
"If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche 
|
|
#482
08-02-2012, 08:03 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
A young man was lost in a forest, when he came upon a small house.
He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. Man: ”I’m lost, can you put me up for the night?” Chinese Man: “Certainly, but one condition - If you lay a finger on my daughter, I’ll inflict upon you the 3 worst Chinese tortures known to man!" “OK”, said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, pretty and had a cute figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Late at night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear. Near daybreak, he crept back to his room, tired but happy. He woke up to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes, he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: “Chinese torture 1: Large Rock on chest." Man: "Ah! If that’s the best the old man can do, then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the rock up, walked over to the window and threw the rock out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: ”Chinese torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.” In a panic, he saw that the rope that was already getting close to the end. He glanced down and noticed that the ground was about 100 feet down. Feeling that a few broken bones was better than being castrated, he jumped out of the window after the rock. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read: “Chinese torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.”
__________________
"If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
|
|
#483
08-02-2012, 11:14 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#484
08-02-2012, 11:14 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#485
08-02-2012, 11:27 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
@Letterboxd
|
|
#486
08-02-2012, 02:10 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
 
|
|
#488
08-03-2012, 02:19 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had a really bad day on the day they died.
St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and asked the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 8th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from." St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 12th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment some way below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked with a woman, her husband pounds on the door and starts yelling, so I run and hide inside a refrigerator...."
__________________
"If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
|
|
#489
08-03-2012, 05:22 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#490
08-03-2012, 05:37 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Guy says to his wife on wednesday
"Hey, you're coming fishing with me and the dog on the weekend" She says she doesn't want to go... He tells her if she doesn't come she's either going to suck his dick or take it up the ass before he leaves - she has until Friday to decide. Come Friday, he tells his wife to get ready after packing some fishing gear. She says that she's still not coming. "Ok, so what's it to be then?" She says "Pull your pants down I'm giving you head". She goes at it, and stops and gags after about 10 seconds. "What the fuck? Your dick tastes like shit!" He says he knows. "The dog didn't want to come fishing either"
__________________
The door opened...you got in..:rolleyes:
|
 |
|
|
