H3D Script SAMPLE, dialogue needs help i believe, but over all story in the end,ROCKS

[H3orH3D_Script4U]

A little ways left to go, I probably won't post more without some feedback and hear some opinions if you're curious or able to keep up where the story's at.

If you've read all the way through and want to know how it all ends or where it's leading.
Create an account and Private Message me.

[H3orH3D_Script4U]

SCENE #19 OFFICER'S DOWN

FADE IN:

(EXT.) HADDONFIELD - RIVERBANKS - WITHIN THE WOODS -
LOOKING OUT ON RIVER:

TRACKING SHOT from within the woods, behind a few
nicely spread out trees, looking out onto the river.
Showing a couple of POLICE BOATS, moving with the shot
on both sides of the river, shining their spot lights
in the water and on the banks. The shot then ends as
the BOAT closest to the CAMERA, shines its LIGHT in the
CAMERA, which causes the screen to get bright.

CUT TO:

(EXT.) HADDONFIELD - DEPUTY1'S VEHICLE -
SLOWLY PATROLLING ROAD - RIVERBANK/WOODEN AREA -
NIGHT - STORMING:

Begins with a bright light SHINING in the CAMERA from a
POLICE CAR.

With the CAMERA LOCATED within the woods, between the road
and river.

DEPUTY ANDREWS who is shining the bright search light,
moves it to reveal the scene, showing the POLICE CAR up
on the road, slowly patrolling.

You then hear the SOUNDS of TWIGS BREAKING, as if
something is in the woods. With the CAMERA stationary as
the DEPUTIES, slowly drive out of scene, still moving
the search light around.

CUT TO:

(INT.) HADDONFIELD - DEPUTY SCHLAGEL'S VEHICLE -
SLOWLY PATROLLING ROAD - RIVERBANK/WOODEN AREA -
NIGHT - STORMING:

Begins inside the VEHICLE with DEPUTY SCHLAGEL driving
and DEPUTY ANDREWS moving the spotlight, shining it in
the woods. Who are both, showing their frustration.

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
We need to get ahold of the Sherriff,
and call it a night! How long have we
been out here?

DEPUTY ANDREWS looks at his watch, with a long exhale.

DEPUTY ANDREWS
I agree with you there! Right now,
it's 4 o'clock! It’s been almost an
hour out here!

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
An 18 hour day, right after a 16
hour day, not to healthy for you!
They better hope they're dead,
cause if I find them. I'll kill'em!
We're not going to find them anyway
out here. With all the rain we got,
the river as high as it is, plus
that current. Their bodies are
probably 20, 25 miles downriver,
by now!

DEPUTY ANDREWS shines the spotlight, something moves.

DEPUTY ANDREWS
Hey hold up! I think I saw
something. Pull Over!

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
Are you kidding me? Now we got to
get out, in this shit? I'm just
drying off. How about I stay here,
and you go check it out!

DEPUTY ANDREWS
Suck it up. We got a job to do!

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
There is nowhere to pull over. I
think I should stay with the car.

DEPUTY ANDREWS
You’re not getting out of it that
easy. Just flip the lights on.

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
Fine!

It then shows a shot of the car stopping with a squeal.

CUT TO:

(EXT.) (X) HADDONFIELD - RIVERBANKS/WOODS - NIGHT -
STORMING:

P.O.V. from within the woods of DEPUTY ANDREWS and
DEPUTY SCHLAGEL approaching from the road, with their
flashlights shining through the rain.

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
I think you're seeing things buddy!
We've just been up to long.

DEPUTY ANDREWS
You just hope I'm seeing things.
That's what I think, It is!

P.O.V. shows a BABY DEER run through the shot, within
the woods breaking some twigs along its way.

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
What the hell was that?

DEPUTY ANDREWS
I don't know! But I think, we
should split up.

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
Really! Because to me, that sounds
like a horrible idea, right know.

The DEPUTIES enter the woods, drawing their GUNS.

DEPUTY ANDREWS
Come on! It will get done faster.
You go that way, and I'll head this
way. We'll go about 100 yards each
way, and if we don't find anything.
We'll call it a night. Sound good?

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
FINE!

Shows a shot of two men heading in opposite directions.

TRACKING SHOT of DEPUTY SCHLAGEL's feet stepping over
branches that CRACKLE under his feet, walking left to
right. The CAMERA PANS up to his FACE, out of nowhere a
BABY DEER jumps CLOSE by frightening DEPUTY SCHLAGEL

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
Holy shit! Damn it Bambi, you
scared the shit out of me.

Suddenly DEPUTY SCHLAGEL, HEARS the ECHO of two GUN
SHOTS and DEPUTY ANDREWS SCREAM off in the distance!

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
Shit!

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL immediately begins rushing towards the
SCREAM. (again the audience won't know, who is who. But
I will say, to make it easier.)

CLOSE UP of JAKES LEFT HAND, with the HUGE CUT on it
from the KNIFE that went through it. As he's restraining
DEPUTY ANDREWS’s arm that has the GUN. You HEAR CRUSHING
of BONES as if JAKE is squeezing.

The CAMERA PANS back to show the whole scene, and
JAKES other hand on the CHIN of DEPUTY ANDREWS.

DEPUTY ANDREWS
NO! NO! PLEASE!

DEPUTY ANDREWS flails at the over powering figure,
uselessly being man handled, who slowly begins leading
DEPUTY ANDREWS backwards onto a large splintered piece
of timber. That slowly starts to go into his back, as
DEPUTY ANDREWS begins spitting blood out of his mouth.

The TIMBER finally reaches the front of DEPUTY ANDREWS
chest with a small impression, beginning to show on his
STERNUM from the inside.

JAKE then quickly applies force, as the TIMBER bursts
through towards the screen.

It immediately shows DEPUTY SCHLAGEL rushing through the
woods, He suddenly stops, as he sees the bloody scene.
DEPUTY SCHLAGEL looks to see JAKE turn his head towards
him, who is still standing over the top of his IMPALED
PARTNER.

[H3orH3D_Script4U]

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL panics and begins running towards the
road, he grabs his RADIO from his belt, while
shooting back towards JAKE, as he begins reporting.

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL
(radio)
He's not dead! At least one of them
are still alive. ANDREWS is dead,
and I could use some assistance.
I'm on route 410, right by the river.
Hurry, don't know how long I can out
run him.

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL exits the tree line and stumbles looking
back, quickly regaining his barring’s, as he reaches the
ditch, just before the road. He continues looking back.
But he does it one to many times. Right as he reaches
the road and in the headlights of the POLICE CAR. He
hits a brick wall.

MICHAEL catches him by his THROAT and lifts him off the
ground, as it shows the full body VIEW of both in the
headlights of the vehicle, with DEPUTY SCHLAGEL 5 inches
off the ground, as steam comes off the road with the rain
coming down.

DEPUTY SCHLAGEL begins GURGLING as if his wind pipe is
being crushed, he begins spitting up blood.

MICHAEL cocks his head, as he then slowly slides the
DEPUTY's BATON from its holster.

MICHAEL flips it, to where he is holding the long end,
and with a swift CAMERA ACTION, he swings the
BATON overhand sticking the HANDLE in DEPUTY SCHLAGEL's
skull.

MICHAEL drops the DEPUTY's body, that crumples to the
ground.

SLOW MOTION begins with MICHAEL walking towards the
CAMERA, that's still in the middle of the road looking
at the scene from a distance.

Suddenly MICHAEL FADES away.

Suddenly POLICE CARS FADE IN the background, approaching
in the distance up the road with their lights flashing.

It then SKIPS to the CARS that were approaching, now
parked behind DEPUTY SCHLAGEL's vehicle, with SHERRIFF
BRACKETT, in SLOW MOTION pacing over the DEPUTY's body,
with his hands on his head.

The headlights of the vehicle seem to get brighter and
envelope the whole screen. When the screen becomes
extremely bright it then FADES to black, and SHERRIFF
BRACKETT speaks up, over the black screen.
(just want it to seem like a dramatic time lapse.)

SHERRIFF BRACKETT (V.O)
We know where he's heading!
All units to the hospital NOW!

FADE OUT:

SCENE #20: LIGHTS OUT

FADE IN:

(INT.) HADDONFIELD - PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL -
LAURIE'S ROOM - DARK - NIGHT - STORMING:

P.O.V. looking out the one window in LAURIE's room,
with the SOUND of the TV playing.

A bright flash of lightning out the window, quickly
followed by a loud clap of thunder.

LAURIE nervously bites her nails, as there is another
bright flash of lightning.

Suddenly the power goes out, shutting off the TV and it
gets extremely dark followed by the loud thunder, this
startles LAURIE.

Suddenly a backup generator kicks on, only lighting a
few select devices in the building that was already
pretty dark to begin with!

LAURIE panics and gets to her feet, she knows something
is wrong. She begins lumbering towards the door, she
reaches for the door knob and slowly begins twisting it,
and cautiously peeks out the door.

CUT TO:

[H3orH3D_Script4U]

To me the ending makes the story ROCK, I seen a few other forums where people said they don't like certain endings. That I know won't like this ending.
MAYBE they would the one that ends it forever.

BUT the other ending I did because even with ZOMBIES ending you kind of had to do something special, to MAKE it all link together and back to the original overall story.

I tried to make it as fun as I could while still doing that, since 3D is a kind of FUN EXPERIENCE, and new to some people.

I could give a little more, but not sure if I'll go all the way to the end, because, unless they are already shooting it. I do believe it has potential, with a more experienced writers help and input and more character development/dialogue help.

I do like a few lines in here. Love the DAMN IT BAMBI line. and the USE THE BALLS YOU WERE GIVEN AND GET THIS DONE line. Probably my two favorite, but there is probably more I'm just not thinking of.

I tend to like the small humor lines more, as I would put my personality type in the trickster category.

I wrote it more as a FAN wanting to have a good time, and have an ending that could get it back on track or into an understanding for some of the younger fans so they might want to follow the series into 4 and even go back and watch the classics so they also will still make sense.

Which Death do you really want to see the most, and would you want to see this on the screen?

I would boldly predict that if they shot this, marketed it like Freddy vs. Jason and release it in the summer around the same time, it would have simular BOX OFFICE#'s. That's my PITCH, hard to walk away from 130,000,000 worldwide. :D

[H3orH3D_Script4U]

(INT.) (X) HADDONFIELD - PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL -
HALLWAY - POWER OUT - NIGHT - STORMING:

P.O.V. of the extremely dark hallway focused on LAURIE's
door as she cautiously pokes her head out, looking both
ways, in the background it shows a door with a lit up
EXIT SIGN above it, as if it's a stairwell.

LAURIE comes out and cautiously heads away from the
stairwell towards the CAMERA.

It then shows a shot of her feet as she almost tip toes
down the hall slowly, barefoot.

TRACKING SHOT over her shoulder, following her as she
walks, approaching the center area where the NURSES,
monitor the area.

Before reaching it, something startles LAURIE, she sees
a SHADOW of the NURSE, who is sitting down appearing to
be filling out paperwork, and a SHADOW of what appears
to be MICHAEL standing behind her.

LAURIE terrified slowly peeks around the corner seeing
the NURSE, come into view first who is working at what
looks like a reception counter, and then just a plain
old coat rack with a doctor’s coat on it, and a hat
that's casting a shadow on the wall.

Relieved LAURIE slowly comes around the corner
approaching the NURSE, who looks up and gets startled.

NURSE
LAURIE! what are you doing?
Why are you not asleep?

LAURIE
What's going on? Why is nobody
acting like anything is wrong?

NURSE
Laurie! It's just the storm. It
knocked the power out. You didn’t
take the pills, did you?

LAURIE
No, I didn’t! I knew something
like this would happen!

NURSE
Laurie! There is nothing wrong.
The Sherriff said earlier, they
have them both. You have nothing
to worry about. I promise!

LAURIE
How do you know that? Have you
talked to the Sherriff, since then.

NURSE
No, I haven’t! But trust me!
There is nothing you need to worry
about. Just go back to your room
and get some sleep.

LAURIE complies and begins slowly heading back to her
room, looking down at the ground.

BACKWARDS TRACKING SHOT in front of LAURIE showing her
and the dark hallway behind her, as she slowly walks.

Suddenly you see MICHAEL behind her down the hall.

In SLOW MOTION LAURIE turns her head, and sees him with
a scream, she begins running down the hall in the other
direction.

The NURSE stands to her feet and looks in LAURIE's
direction, oblivious to the MICHAEL coming her way.

NURSE
LAURIE, What is it? What is wrong?

The NURSE looks back, but it is too late. MICHAEL
reaches over the counter, grabs the NURSE by her pony
tail, and pulls her head to the edge of the counter,
with her head just hanging over the edge struggling. He
lifts his butcher KNIFE.

Just as LAURIE looks back, the NURSE screams.

MICHAEL lowers the blade quickly decapitating the NURSE.

It then shows LAURIE screaming and running for the
stairwell at the other end of the hall.

That also shows MICHAEL in the background, holding the
NURSE's decapitated head, by its pony tail at his side.

LAURIE bursts through the door, into the stairwell.

CUT TO:

SCENE #21 MY BROTHERS KEEPER

(INT.) HADDONFIELD - PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL - STAIRWELL -
POWER OUT - NIGHT - STORMING:

LAURIE bursts through the door and clashes into the
rail terrified, she looks over the rail, and down the
stairwell, a few floors down sees another terrifying
sight, as JAKE is slowly ascending the stairs, towards
her. Like a horrible NIGHTMARE, she shouts.

LAURIE
NO! NO! GOD, NO!

LAURIE, realizing her only way out or hope is UP.
She runs up the stairs, but realizes, she was already
on the top floor, as she runs into the door that leads
to the roof, that's locked.

She begins fearing she is trapped, and looks over at a
fire extinguisher that's next to the door and begins
beating the lock, until it releases.

LAURIE
Come on! Come on! PLEASE!

The lock brakes, LAURIE then runs out to the rooftop and
into the storm, just as JAKE reached the stairs below
her, with no sight of the MICHAEL yet.

CUT TO:

(EXT.) (X) HADDONFIELD - PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL -
ROOFTOP - NIGHT - STORMING:

LAURIE frantically bursts from the stairwell door, out
onto the roof and into the storm. She begins looking
for another way down and out of this trap.

She sees another door on the on the other side of the
building that leads into another stairwell.

LAURIE rushes over to it, but it's locked, from the
inside. Defeated she gives up and begins accepting her
fate, she cries.

Suddenly the door she exited, is flung open violently,
JAKE comes walking out onto the roof.

LAURIE shrieks, covers her mouth and crawls down behind
a ventilation system, peeking over, as JAKE is getting
closer, as he searches the rooftop. She hunkers down,
against the ventilation duct, with her hand over her
mouth, now behind her on the other side of the
ventilation duct, JAKE walks into view.

Just as he is getting closer and about to find her, :eek:

[H3orH3D_Script4U]

This Time I mean it when I say I probably won't publically post more.

But would still appreciate any feedback or thoughts. Since I have only got one secretive vote so far.

Anything what so ever you say I will not take personally. Might defend something, but I want fans opinions as I am one myself, and just people who can feel in situations in movies. Please Share!

If you don't want to critique it, you can atleast say if you would want to see it, If it has a meaningful ending.

I can tell you gullible fans hearts will sink at the end, then be revived, and emotional rollercoaster at the end if any of the characters mean anything to you.

[H3orH3D_Script4U]

I'll be nice and atleast post their final confrontation, to the victor go the spoils (LAURIE), but won't post the resolution to the story.


Just as he is getting closer and about to find her,
MICHAEL grabs JAKE's shoulder and tosses him to his back
violently.

JAKE gets back to his feet.

Showing both figures, standing immediately opposite of
each other, glaring into each other’s souls again, the
final fight ensues, to the victor goes the spoils.

LAURIE in fear just looks on, as they are in between her
and the exit into the stairwell.

The two engage in an epic fight, beating each other
mercilessly, this comes to a climax with MICHAEL losing
his KNIFE.

After losing his KNIFE he grabs JAKE holding him in a
bear hug lifting him off the ground, you HEAR the
crushing sounds as if his back is breaking.

JAKE places his left hand behind MICHAEL's head and
drives his KNIFE directly into the center of MICHAEL's
chest, which weakens him, and begins releasing his grip.

JAKE begins softly lowering MICHAEL's body to the ground.

It shows a CLOSE UP of JAKE's HAND, that's on the back
of MICHAEL's head, revealing the large cut from the
previous fight.

After the fight JAKE stands to his feet, and has now
heard LAURIE react to the final stabbing.

JAKE turns to look at her, and LAURIE knows she has been
found, she comes out from the hiding spot.

LAURIE
MICHAEL! Is that you, MICHAEL?

There is a slight pause and then shows a CLOSE UP of
JAKE. Who then ominously shakes his head NO three times,
LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT (slowly).

LAURIE screams and out of nowhere MICHAEL is standing
behind, what the audience will now finally know, is JAKE.

MICHAEL rips the KNIFE painfully from his chest. MICHAEL
reaches up and grabs an ELECTRICAL CORD ripping it from
one end.

MICHAEL quickly wraps it around JAKE's neck, and then
violently, sticks the KNIFE he ripped from his chest,
into the top of JAKES HEAD up to the handle.

MICHAEL tosses JAKE's body off the side of the building,
who hangs by his neck, with the KNIFE, still stuck in
his head, as he bounces off the side of the building,
resting against it.

MICHAEL weakened by his stab wound drops to his knees,
and slowly gets back to his feet staggering.

LAURIE's demeanor changes, she seems concerned for
MICHAEL, like she doesn’t want him to die, she slowly
approaches him.

LAURIE
Michael, I love you! Why can't you
talk to me, and tell me what you
want? Or anyone for that matter?
Instead of killing people to make
your point. People are forgiving,
Michael. And I forgive You!

Just as LAURIE is within close proximity of MICHAEL and
finishes her last line, as if he was playing possum, in
his weakened state on one knee. He lunges for LAURIE
and wraps her in his arms. She struggles to get away,
as MICHAEL just calmly looks into her eyes, as she
struggles.

LAURIE eventually realizes it's useless to struggle, she
can't escape his strength. And just as you see the
acceptance in her eyes, she looks into MICHAEL's eyes.:eek:

Now that's seriously the last you get! I know I said that before, but I REALLY REALLY mean it this time. LOL:D

Be blunt in a PRIVATE MESSAGE about how you feel about the route I went, if you made it this far.

That's where it will stay if you don't want it on here, PUBLIC.

[MichaelMyers]

Wow.......!

[MichaelMyers]

*I know Laurie doesn't die, but she is in a real bind. I felt the rug yanked out from under me at the end of that last post. The end to the script left me feeling as though I was standing over an abyss. Very suspenseful.

*Some good "deaths".......I think the "wood splinter" death would look awesome in 3D....the eyeball projectile, wasn't that done in Friday the 13th 3 in 3D?

*"horny girl" definitely has to be taken out, maybe in a separate scene where she tries to escape.

*I almost think this could be Michael Myers vs. Cops. There's a lot of cops. Not a bad thing per se since Michael is the main attraction but they are kind of interchangeable.

*More to come. Need to sit down and think about this.

[H3orH3D_Script4U]

I love the fact you say you felt like you were standing over the abyss, that's exactly where I was when I wrote it.

Your either gonna hate me, or love me after the next part. Reading the Worst Endings sections. I seen alot of people that will not like it. But for me and the way it ties it back to H2 and resolves some issues into H4, I like it!

I will say I hate particular endings, but as I wrote this, it wouldn't stop coming out. And it feels right, someone else for sure can add to these parts, I have other ideas for the ending. But it feels like it's right.

The next action you will be like NO WAY! Hate it! And by the End hopefully you will be like OK. I like it, majority of the people watching it, will feel exactly what I described up above, I believe.

I don't know about the DEATH with the eye ball, thought it was a first when I wrote it. But the splintered timber, I DO REMEMBER from a JASON kill. I can't remember which one though.

BECKY'S DEATH the BONESAW makes it awesome. The YOUNG MAN, and the GAS PUMP coming right into his EYE and then setting it to pump, I love it I think majority of FANS will root for michael with GAS PRICES the way they are and HIM and that HUMMER of his.:D TEENAGER1 and the BONG with it going up into his brain and the smoke coming out his nostrils, GENIUS I know.:D, JAKES death excitingly powerful classic MICHAEL! Like the CLERKS death with or without pulling the trigger. I like them all!:D

The one kill of MICHAELS that always stuck with me when I was young, was in the AMBULANCE. When he put his thumb in the EMT'S forehead I believe, showing his strength. I think I used that for inspiration on all of of my deaths!:confused: