The "NO DRAMA" thread

[bloodrayne]

Originally Posted by Disease

give me a better one then or I'll flood you with bad ones!

Nah...It's cool...Give me some bad ones :D

[Disease]

I was hopeing you wouldn't say that, let me think of something suitable for public distrobution.

[bloodrayne]

Originally Posted by Disease

I was hopeing you wouldn't say that, let me think of something suitable for public distrobution.

Gotcha

I just don't really feel like typing out a buncha crap...You don't have to ya know :)

I gotta go soon anyway...Sun's coming up...Getting drained...

[Disease]

Ok then I wont.

[bloodrayne]

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the right f**in number!"..... and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd , in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea I called Asshole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen ."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd , Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2 . "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd , Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover . Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd , Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.


NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works...

[Elvis_Christ]

:D Fiendish haha.... the gay lover part is total gold!

[stubbornforgey]

Originally Posted by bloodrayne

Nah...It's cool...Give me some bad ones :D

hahahahahahahaha
you want bad jokes...
ask my man to tell you some !!LOL:o

[newb]

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever been fucked?"
The fellow said "No"



She said "You will be when the tide comes in."


why do I picture Murderdoll as the third woman?

[ShankS]

A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said "I haven't seen you in a long time." The man replied "I know, I've been ill"

[bloodrayne]

Answers To Common Baby Questions

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.