Some light humour...

[scarecrow666]

I am only teasing you all.... Cant you take a joke;)

[ferretchucker]

LMFAO!

Well, here's one in the theme you've been using. Sorry for any offense this may cause.

Doctor, doctor, what have i got?

I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers,

well, at least i dont have cancer.

[ferretchucker]

here are some religious ones. Once again, sorry for any offence.

1. A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"

The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

2. five nuns die in a bus accident. they are at st. georges gates and he says, "Sisters, let me know your sins and you may pass through. Here is a fountain, now dip any part of your body in the fountain that has touch a mans penis and be cleansed.

So, the first woman puts her finger in, the second her hole hand, as the third is about to go, the one behind her says, "Wait, can I gargle the water before Sister Mary puts her arse in it?

3.Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."

St Peter: "Not likely!"

Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."

At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.

St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."

Jesus: "Bugger off!"

Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I can't find the owner of. I could give that to you."

Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God.

Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented."

God: "Tell him to get lost!"

Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He says I can have it."

God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't even carry a fuckin' wooden one!"

4.St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.

After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."

Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!"

The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"

[XtRaVa]

"five nuns die in a bus accident. they are at st. georges gates and he says":

"I'm actually St.Peter, jokes on you!"?

;)

[XtRaVa]

Heres one:

So a guy joins the navy and has to serve on a ship for several months. Only a few weeks in he's already missing sex and cant really find a good place to masturbate in private. He talks to his fellow crew about it, asking how they cope.

They all tell him about a barrel in a quiet part at the bottom of the ship and how theres a hole in it. They tell him that he can have sex with the hole and it will feel pretty much as good as the real thing.

After a week of having sex using the hole in the barrel the man decides to thank the crew for telling him about the barrel. They asked if he had a good time and he replied that it's been a great week and the barrel felt as good as the real thing. They replied:

"Glad to hear you had a good week, because its your turn in the barrel tonight".

[scarecrow666]

LMFAO. Very very funny............#1 the little girl joke is sick BUT vey funny, am still chuckling now.

[ferretchucker]

lol, i like the one about the navy.

[XtRaVa]

Cheers ;)

I agree with scarecrow about the little girl joke. You sort of go "ooh man..." but laugh at the same time.

[Dante'sInferno]

Everyone dies.









HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[XtRaVa]

Was that the punchline to the worlds best joke, but you couldnt be bothered to actually tell the joke? :p