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#191
05-19-2006, 09:53 AM
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I do like the amber brews though. 
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#192
05-19-2006, 10:00 AM
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@Newb You got it! I've pretty much learned that it's all in fun and not to take everything, especially myself so seriously.:)
__________________
By the time you're twenty-five they will say you've gone and blown it. By the time you're thirty-five I must confide you will have blown them all
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#194
05-19-2006, 11:26 AM
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A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared up I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph.
Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 10 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.
__________________
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#195
05-19-2006, 11:29 AM
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__________________
I will bathe the starways in your blood.
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#196
05-23-2006, 06:38 AM
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It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
__________________
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#197
05-23-2006, 07:54 AM
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A South African gold miner loses his leg in a mining accident and is sat in hospital talking to his mate.
"Well that's me fucked, who on earth's going to want a one legged gold digger?" His mate replies "Well, you could try Paul McCartney"
__________________
  Battle Royalty, 2009 @Wolf_Scousemac
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#198
05-23-2006, 07:56 AM
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*A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish or, your husband will get ....... times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man that ever lived, an Adonis whom women will swoon over and flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM!!! - She's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said,"That will make your husband the richest man in the world by far. And he will be ten times richer than you. "The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM!!! - She's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and after careful consideration she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. ATTENTION female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!! Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women are nosey cows and never listen!!!
__________________
Battle Royalty, 2009 @Wolf_Scousemac
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#200
05-26-2006, 11:52 AM
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 36 bottles of beer on the wall, 36 bottles of beer..... This will be the nectar of my choice for the weekend and a few days after no doubt. Yummy!
__________________
Battle Royalty, 2009 @Wolf_Scousemac
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