The "NO DRAMA" thread

[Haunted]

*Bows deeply* Thank you kindly, from the bottom of my heart. That's a very sweet thing to say.

You know, I learned a lot from that book. The chaos theory is something a Witch could get into. Ian Malcom is the coolest, and I think, even though he might be a little over used, that Jeff was the best person to play him. I have a little crush on Mr. Goldblum. Always have.

[Posher778]

I think Christian Bale could've done a great job too. What was your favorite part of the book? I think the part where ellie has to be bait was the best, or the infamous Trex, Car scene.

[Nyarlathotep]

INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at rugby, and your pie is getting wet, then, for the eating period only, it is permissible.

2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However you can Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you intentionally trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding S*x pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a toilet unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have S*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal 'drunken monkey S*x', the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was, occurs.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation II. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

[Haunted]

If my ex boyfriend would have bought me a PSII when they very first came out, I probably would have sucked it even though it was uncircumcised.



Posher-

All the action in the book was great. I also liked the really big discussions that they got into about mathematics, science, natural law, and conservation. Goddamnit! I was going to read "Foucault's Pendulum" by Umberto Eco after I finished "It" (a bit of light reading before the heavy), but now I'm going to have to read "Jurassic Park" again. Thanks, Posher.:p

[Dude Guadalupe]

Originally posted by bloodrayne
How to be a man......

1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.Umm...I open jars for Dustin...honestly


11. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.Hammer Drill, Band Saw, Circular Saw, Power Drill...These are mine, I don't let Dustin use them...I wouldn't want him to get hurt ;)


20. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.My ability to parallel park quickly and correctly was one of the first things that impressed Dustin...Yup, he's easily impressed...lol

I object! This makes me sound far more girly and simple-minded than I really am

[bloodrayne]

Originally posted by Dude Guadalupe
I object! This makes me sound far more girly and simple-minded than I really am

Heh...But...It's all true :p

[bloodrayne]

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you intentionally trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

HAHAHA!!!...That one got me :D

[Posher778]

Originally posted by Haunted




Posher-

All the action in the book was great. I also liked the really big discussions that they got into about mathematics, science, natural law, and conservation. Goddamnit! I was going to read "Foucault's Pendulum" by Umberto Eco after I finished "It" (a bit of light reading before the heavy), but now I'm going to have to read "Jurassic Park" again. Thanks, Posher.:p

Yeah... after watching Donnie Darko for the first time just now I feel like everything i've ever seen or read was "light" Holy... Crap... I am so friggin confused right now...

[newb]

On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That`s easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he
inquired.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a
button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."

When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your
sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?"
Blair replied, "That`s easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen, "You may go, now."

So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his
chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him, "I have a riddle for you,
and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it
was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a while?" "Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff,and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many
suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was
quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.

As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former
Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said, "Mr.
Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a
child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"
"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."
"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!"

So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush, "I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!"

"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush, "The child was Tony Blair!"

[The Flayed One]

25 SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING OLD

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good ****."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh **** what the hell happened?"

Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends cause you know they'll enjoy it too.