Goodbye

[stubbornforgey]

omfg..!!

what..are you going for a record..seeing how many more you can get rid of within a space of time.??
You have the support...you have the sympathy..you have the 'what ever the hell else your looking for'...try getting off the computer and grabbing a life.
Mental illness is not a thing to be used as a tool to manipulate then use as an excuse for the behaviour.
As i mentioned before ..many of us have had the shit kicked out of us sometime during our lives (not exact wording ..but close) n your going to get the odd negative response but their opinions are not based on malice..if you take off the rose tinted glasses and read between the lines and stop looking at the nick thats advising you and read what they have to say..I personally found Cheba' and Lala's replies quite supportive and somewhat helpful in thier own way.

[zwoti]

Originally posted by Spallalala
As for the banning that was just out of boredom right?

yeah right....it was boredom

[bloodrayne]

I wanted to respond to this earlier, but I wasn't sure how... I had to think about it first...Given the limited time that I have here now, I wanted to be sure that I had enough time to make the response that I wanted to...

First of all, Sam already made many of my points...It almost doesn't scare me so much anymore that he keeps doing that:p...I am often amazed by his intelligence and insight, especially for his age (I hate to keep bringing up the 'age' thing, Sam...But, a fact is a fact...You are an exceptional person...Most people don't attain the type of knowledge and independant thought that you exhibit, until much later in life...I certainly hope that you accomplish something with that amazing brain of yours, that someday leaves a permanent mark on this miserable world)...

Like Sam, I do NOT believe that Heather was 'trying to commit suicide'...First of all, if a person TRULY wants to die, they don't really have to 'try' very hard to accomplish that...Human life is actually quite fragile...People die by ACCIDENT every day...If you put even a LITTLE bit of intention behind it, death is quite easily achieved...

In my own personal assessment of these types of situations...I have come to believe that:

Attempted Suicide: People say it's for attention...People say it's a cry for help......I tend to agree, based on what I mentioned above...Maybe it's because they feel neglected, and they just want to see who really cares...Of course this is DEFINITELY the WRONG way to go about it...

Suicide: People say it's a selfish, cowardly act, and that the person who commits suicide doesn't think about anyone else........I believe that there are two types of thought behind the reasons for actually committing suicide:

1) I believe that many people DO think of others when they commit (or even attempt) suicide...As a matter of fact, I believe it's the main reason for the act...

Often they think to themselves "They'll be sorry"...They want to hurt the people (in the worst way they can imagine) who have hurt them so deeply...They use this as a form of punishment (unfortunately...It definitely has its drawbacks)....Often, the ONLY thing they are thinking of at the time that they do this, IS the person/people they are trying to retaliate against...They imagine what the reaction of the person will be when they either find the body (which, of course, is what the suicide committer hopes for the most), or when they find out that they are dead...They imagine many different scenarios, and they regret the fact that they won't be there to see it for themselves...The reason for the 'suicide note' is to make certain that the person who was supposed to be punished, knows that it was for them....Even if it just says their name and something simple like "I love you"...It still hits hard , as it's supposed to.....Often suicide (or attempted suicide) is a very vindictive thing to do, but they feel that they have no other recourse left, because they haven't been able to 'reach' the person any other way.

They DO, however fail to think of the people they will hurt UNintentionally...They lose sight of this, because all of their focus is on revenge/self-pity...and the person for whom it is intended

2) In my opinion, a REAL suicide is committed by a person who has simply become completely overwhelmed by life itself, and can see no other way out...They really do just want it all to end...They believe that they have failed at making things work the way they should, and that life will NEVER get any better...They are defeated, tired of trying and not accomplishing anything, and they feel that it's just pointless to continue on....They honestly don't believe that they will really hurt anyone, or even be missed by anyone, because they TRULY feel that their life has no purpose or meaning to ANYONE, as it doesn't to themselves.....These people will usually not leave a suicide note, unless it's just an explanation...Usually something like "I'm just too tired" or "I just can't do it anymore"......They do not 'threaten' to commit suicide...They do not 'discuss it' with anyone....They just DO it...Usually quite quickly, and always effectively...

Cutting: I have no personal experience with this, but I have known people who do......I do not believe that what Heather did was an actual act of 'cutting'...Although, I could certainly be wrong....This is the extent of my knowledge on this subject:

There are usually different reasons for cutting...The act may be the same, but the reason and intended outcome can vary...For example:

'Cutting' To Stop 'Feeling':

Some people 'cut' because they feel that they are so completely filled with emotions that they can't handle, and that these emotions are suffocating them, killing them...They have to find a way to 'release' these emotions, in order to keep their sanity, or even to survive.....The physical act of cutting open the body, gives them a sense of 'letting things out'...It's a very physical way, to deal with an emotional problem.....This act is actually beneficial to them in a few ways...It makes them feel that they are in control, because they are doing something to make themselves feel better...It allows them to visualize the emotions (most often, deep pain) actually leaving their bodies through the open wounds, which allows them to experience a form of relief....It's psychosomatic, but it works for them

'Cutting' To 'Feel'

Some people 'cut' because they have been so bombarded with emotional pain, they simply want to feel something, ANYTHING else....They hope that the physical pain will be greater than the emotional pain, and will distract them from their torment for a time........

OR they have become emotionless, due to the fact that they have been put through so much emotional trauma in their lives, they have simply detached themselves from all emotions, in order to protect themselves.....So, they 'cut' in order to be able to feel SOMETHING, and not just feel that they are completely 'numb'


I honestly have NEVER heard of anyone committing an act of 'cutting' (for whatever the person's reason, or desired effect may be) simply for ATTENTION...In fact, the intent behind it is often quite the opposite...Almost always committed by people who feel that no one else is capable of helping them (nor would they want to try to rely on anyone else FOR help), that it's something they have to deal with themselves, and therefore 'attention', even if received, would be quite pointless....It's an extremely personal thing, that they usually DO NOT want others to even know about....It becomes a form of 'personal emotional/psychological maintenance'



As I have given this much thought...I honestly believe that what Heather did was neither a form of 'attempted suicide' or an 'act of cutting'

What she did, felt more to me like an act of 'self destruction/self hatred'...Which is brought on by a completely different thought process (usually caused by frustration, hopelessness, helplessness, self-disgust, despair, anger, etcetera) and intent........It was not intended to punish anyone but herself, it was not intended to affect anyone but herself...It was a deeply personal thing, but NOT for 'relief' as in cutting...I feel that it was truly an attempt to try to 'destroy' herself, although not actually 'kill herself'.......

I see it in the way that a person might slash a painting or ruin a work of art by covering it in paint......Destroying it, but not causing it to cease to exist...

I believe that mentioning it here was NOT for sympathy or attention...But, seemed more like a "Damn, I got wasted last night, and now I have one HELL of a raging hangover...Man, I shouldn't have done that" kinda thing........Many people here have made posts like that, are they trying to get sympathy, or attention?...Nah, pretty much just telling how they feel, passing along information...

I REALLY wish that I could explain it better than that...I know what I'm trying to say, I just can't quite get it out the way I want to...*sigh*

[bloodrayne]

As for the comments that Cheeba made:

Anger is much easier to express than sorrow or fear.....

We do not control our emotions, they control US...

Sorrow and fear are considered 'weak' emotions...Anger and Rage are very strong emotions.........To allow ourselves to be controlled by 'weak emotions' causes us to feel VERY weak and helpless....We can allow ourselves to be controlled by stronger emotions, far more easily

Often we will express anger in a situation where we feel sorrow or fear, often exchanging the weaker emotions for the stronger one....We can simply accept it more easily, and we do it automatically, without even realizing that we're doing it

For example: When my mother told me that my uncle died, I should have cried, I should have been sad, or even a little afraid because he was only 38 (early deaths remind us that we can check out at ANY time)...BUT...I was pissed off...I was EXTREMELY pissed off...Demanding to know how it happened, and who was responsible, as well as many other things......Many might consider this an odd reaction, or simply a reaction that was not what they would have expected...But, it's just the way I'm made...It's how I deal with things...

I have a feeling that Cheeba is a lot like this...Some people can't allow themselves to feel 'weak' or admit that they hurt...Because weakness disgusts them...It may also cause them to lash out at someone else that they feel is weak, when they should be strong...

I have a recent personal example of THIS, too:

I went to that 'Astrology' thing with my mother...The girl who was doing the presentation claimed that she was psychic, and could see and communicate with ghosts...When a little boy asked if she could see his dad, who recently died, she said "Well, there is a man behind you, he says that he is very proud of you, and that you have taken on your new responsibilities well"...When the boy's mother asked her what the 'ghost' looked like, she was very hesitant and you could tell that she was grasping for anything, starting off with 'white male...':rolleyes:...It was disgusting...The girl was nervous as hell during the ENTIRE presentation, she felt to me like a very 'weak' person...Seri said that she thought the girl seemed 'afraid' of me somehow...Dustin said that he could actually FEEL that the girl did not like me and was avoiding making eye contact with me, even when I was asking her questions, he said that the tension was almost visible......There were many times when she simply should have said "I don't really know', instead of trying to make shit up...It pissed me off that she was so fake, and could not admit it when she was unsure........Anyway, her weakness made me angry, it made me feel vicious...It reminded me of 'blood in the water' to a shark, or the 'smell of fear' to a predator.....I felt like destroying her, ripping her apart...Publicly humiliating her...Exposing her as a fraud....And I think she knew it...


Anyway...You can try to decipher where I was going with all of that in relation to how Cheeba responded to this situation....Fortunately for all of you, I am out of time again :p...lol


@ Heather...I'm truly sorry for what you're going through...I disagree with the way you chose to handle it (in that, it isn't something that I would do myself, or that I would want to see anyone else do), BUT I also am incapable of understanding what you have to do to deal with things, as I have never walked in your shoes, so I am not permitted to judge you for it.....I believe that there are better ways to cope, but it's obvious that you felt this was the route you had to take, perhaps you feel that 'other options' are unavailable to you, or most likely you were not thinking rationally enough to consider anything else, which would make the most sense, considering you obviously weren't in the best 'emotional state' or experiencing the most 'mental clarity' at the time, or it probably wouldn't have happened in the first place...

I love you, regardless

[The STE]

okay, I wasn't going to post in here again, but this is bugging the shit out of me...


just how many fucking people here are named Heather?!

[Haunted]

Rayne, your analysis of why I cut myself made me stop. I think you just cracked open part of my psyche. That's SOME thinkin' I appreciate the fact that you took the time to think it over like you did.

I really wanted to tell you about what I did personally, but obviously that's outta the picture. Your love and compassion warms me up tremendously. You know me so well, it's almost frightening, but then, you "know" everyone you meet. (You sure there's no witch in you?...what sights I could show you) I love you for all the woman that you are. A damn fine woman at that.

Everyone who encouraged me through the dark and those of you who simply kind then distant because of the bullshit that was stirred, I thank you.

I'm delving more deeply into the Craft and my faith within. I'm deepening my personal relationship with The Morrighan, my Goddess (don't I sound the Baptist). This has all be exceedingly helpful.

As Cartman once said, "I love you guys."

[Marroe]

Originally posted by The STE
okay, I wasn't going to post in here again, but this is bugging the shit out of me...


just how many fucking people here are named Heather?!

2?

[The STE]

Originally posted by Marroe
2?

at least

[Carpe Noctem]

I <3 Bloodrayne.

[pinkfloyd45769]

Rayne, you blow me away! I really enjoy reading your post, such words of wisdom. BTW.. have you had your new bundle of joy???;)