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#141
04-27-2006, 10:04 AM
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Top Ten Most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down... by David Letterman
10. The cucumber has left the salad. 9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson.. 6. Elvis is leaving the building. 5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction. 3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 2. Men may be From Mars... but I can see something that rhymes with Venus. And the ..#1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped... 1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts. 
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#142
04-28-2006, 09:34 AM
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Counting down to the NFL draft. I really hope the Raiders have some sense and don't draft a QB. Anyways, I'll be travelling to the parents to watch it with my old man. The drink will be on.
Unfortunately, I'm a bit strapped for cash, so I'll have to drink his beer, which is the reprehensible Coor's Lite. It'll take me about 15 to get buzzed, and then I'll feel bloated. I think I might purchase a 6er of:  and slam them. That oughta cure what ails me;) Anyone else watching the draft?
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#143
04-28-2006, 09:36 AM
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Quote:
__________________
MISINTUPITATED- The act of removing the spine by use of fire. DEVESTED- The removal of one's vest. SCTUPP- To deficate on a woman after nonconsensual sex.
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#145
04-28-2006, 10:03 AM
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Sorry, IA. I'm not a Coor's man. If I've offended you, I'll buy a six of it and drink it with you next time we hang out.;)
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#147
04-28-2006, 10:08 AM
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Now that right there, that's comedy.
newb wins at INTERNET today!:D
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#148
04-28-2006, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
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By the time you're twenty-five they will say you've gone and blown it. By the time you're thirty-five I must confide you will have blown them all
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#149
04-29-2006, 01:42 AM
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A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"
__________________
...  If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be
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#150
04-29-2006, 01:50 AM
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Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have enough time Why were men put on earth? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn Why don't women have men's brains? Because they don't have penises to put them in What do electric trains and breasts have in common? They're intended for children, but men usually play with them Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties
__________________
... If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be
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