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#1
04-01-2010, 01:23 AM
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April 1st 2010, Celebrity News I want to read
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Police were stunned when they entered the brangelina residence earlier today to find the corpse of beloved actor Brad Pitt hanging from a chandelier with his broken ribcage barely clinging to what remained of the actors once sculptured chest. Even more shocking was what they discovered in the back of the room behind the actor, bones were piled up at the foot of the staircase and were later discovered to be those of his 6 children Maddox,Pax,Zahara,Shiloh,Knox, and Vivienne.
Actor Billy Bob Thornton was outside of the house the night before, walking his dog. During this time he claims to have heard what could only be the screams of Brad Pitt as he devoured his own children in what police are speculating to be part of a bizarre satanic ritual. According to eye witness accounts, Mr. Thornton then charged into the house, ripped out mr.pitt's ribcage with his bare hands, then proceeded to have crazy monkey sex with ex-wife Angelina Joli on top of the body. At some point after or during the crazy monkey sex (at this time police are unsure) the body was thrown on top of the chandelier. Police attempted to question a visibly shaken Angelina Joli but she was despondent and seemed to be in her own world as she muttered to herself about never wanting kids and cursing brad's hunger for children. Billy Bob Thorton was not available for questioning, he was too busy being awesome. 
__________________
stop the world - I want to get off 
Last edited by X¤MurderDoll¤X; 04-01-2010 at 01:27 AM. 
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#2
04-01-2010, 02:26 AM
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:D haha!
You never know it could happen. Does she still have the Billy Bob tattoo?
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#3
04-01-2010, 02:35 AM
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Quote:
__________________
stop the world - I want to get off
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#4
04-01-2010, 02:44 AM
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Quote:
She was cooler when she was with Billy Bob now she just seems like your usual boring ass celebrity hipster.
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#5
04-01-2010, 04:49 AM
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WOW! Was this one actually published?
__________________
 The Ferrets like it...
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#6
04-01-2010, 10:20 AM
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I'd like to see the following:
Depp and Cage Double Suicide, Apologize for Ruining Everything AP Wire Actors Johnny Depp and Nicholas Cage were found dead today in a tragic double suicide. The two actors pulled off each other's skin so their organs could be eaten by hungry shrews. In a note written in their own blood, the superstars explained: "We R Vry Sry. We didn't mean to ruin everything. This has gone too far." It seems that guilt over their new rock operatic version of King Lear directed by Tim Burton was too much for their fragile, fragile psyches. The note was found next to a binder containing a step by step plan to ruin popular culture and the Western canon of literature. In the binder were multiple letters to terrorist Osama Bin Laden and photographs of Hollywood executives and screenwriters in compromising positions. "This looks like it goes pretty deep," says Harry Knowles of Ain't It Cool News, who is under investigation from the FBI for possible involvement. In related news, director Tim Burton drowned himself in a pool of elephant semen and sulphuric acid when Depp failed to show up to their weekly pajama party, leaving Helena Bonham Carter free to have sex with author Garrett Cook. "It's just better this way," says Carter.
__________________
Horror and Bizarro novelist and editor
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#7
04-01-2010, 05:55 PM
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:D haha pure gold!
Quick question tho... Why elephant semen?
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#8
04-01-2010, 07:16 PM
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Quote:
..........
__________________
stop the world - I want to get off
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#9
04-02-2010, 07:09 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Horror and Bizarro novelist and editor
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#10
04-02-2010, 02:24 PM
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Quote:
What ARE the top ten things you do not want to drown in?
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