And Out Come the Wolves

[ItsAlive75]

OK, so I have a story that I'm writing for a summer writing class I'm taking. I need critiques and ideas, so go ahead and shoot. It's based on a high school in Vermont that wouldn't allow students to walk on the school crest, kids were expelled for not saluting the flag, and there were student assemblies every day. The story's gonna be really satirical, so bear with me.

So my short story is entitled "And Out Come the Wolves" (obviously from the Rancid CD). Its revolves around a freshmen student, Max, enrolled in Greyberry High school, home of the fighting TimberWolves. There's no music or art classes, all the kids wear the school Letterman jacket, and history class is taught with America winning the Vietnam war. The hall monitors are actual wolves that kill and take away students who are roaming the halls.

Max sees himself as a swirling black cloud every time he looks in the mirror. He doesn't know what he is until the end of the story, but he's the embodiment of pure chaos. At the end he unleashes it and tears the school apart (obviously I'm trying to work with the theme of upheaval against the rules and societal norms by having a character embody drastic change and upheaval).

I don't quite know how to work out some small specifics, so any ideas you all may have to throw at me (positive or negative) would help me out!

[MoonLit Meadow]

Originally posted by ItsAlive75
OK, so I have a story that I'm writing for a summer writing class I'm taking. I need critiques and ideas, so go ahead and shoot. It's based on a high school in Vermont that wouldn't allow students to walk on the school crest, kids were expelled for not saluting the flag, and there were student assemblies every day. The story's gonna be really satirical, so bear with me.

So my short story is entitled "And Out Come the Wolves" (obviously from the Rancid CD). Its revolves around a freshmen student, Max, enrolled in Greyberry High school, home of the fighting TimberWolves. There's no music or art classes, all the kids wear the school Letterman jacket, and history class is taught with America winning the Vietnam war. The hall monitors are actual wolves that kill and take away students who are roaming the halls.

Max sees himself as a swirling black cloud every time he looks in the mirror. He doesn't know what he is until the end of the story, but he's the embodiment of pure chaos. At the end he unleashes it and tears the school apart (obviously I'm trying to work with the theme of upheaval against the rules and societal norms by having a character embody drastic change and upheaval).

I don't quite know how to work out some small specifics, so any ideas you all may have to throw at me (positive or negative) would help me out!

Hey,
I know that you say Max sees himself as a swirling black cloud when he looks in the mirror...and that he doesn't find out why until the end of the story...but has he ALWAYS seen himself that way? Or did it only start occuring since he began attending the high school?

Also...the kids leave school every day, right? What makes them keep coming back again, knowing what they'll have to put up with? Will the wolves come after them if they don't show up?

Just a few questions/thoughts I'm curious about :) Talk to you soon!

[Vodstok]

Definately has some good potential. Sounds very Orwellian, and the world could use some more stories like that, especially these days.