True Story of My Miserable Life

[Zero]

OK - swear to god this is a true story that epitomizes my miserable life. i have the day off of work today so stopped by my local public library to read the paper (i'm too cheap to subscribe and also like to check out the Times, etc.). I sit down in the 'newspaper area' and a reasonably cute blonde haired woman, about my age, sits down on the comfy chair next to mine - i look over and notice she's smiling at me, so I smile back. I continue reading my paper and then look up to notice she's still smiling at me - so i ask if she'd like some of the paper and she says yes. When I hand her some of the paper her finger sort of intentionally brushes against mine. I smile again and say somethig inane, like 'its such nice weather today' or something else i can't remember. she takes the bait and soon we're chatting a little and she's smiling at me sort of seductively the whole time. . .

AND THEN. . .

she says, i'm so glad we could meet like this and I say, meet like how? then she looks at me odd and says, 'you are tom aren't you?' I say, no my name is Ray. And just then a guy who i had noticed sort of lurking around behind me at the newspaper racks turns and says "I'm Tom" She looks at me, half-smiles and says something like "we met on-line and we're meeting here for the first time." then 'Tom' gives me a kind of dirty look and says to the woman, 'let's go somewhere more private'. . .


And there I am left with my paper and a kind of deep empty feeling in my gut. . .

[Miss Olivia]

That really sucks.
It could be fortunate though. They could have met on the Living with Herpes website, or maybe the Incontinence For Life site.
Did you notice a smell?

[crabapple]

Chin up! What stuff like that happens, it's just God havin' a little fun with ya.

[Zero]

Originally posted by Miss Olivia
That really sucks.
It could be fortunate though. They could have met on the Living with Herpes website, or maybe the Incontinence For Life site.
Did you notice a smell?

that's the first smile i've had this morning - thanks. . . maybe i should just laugh at god's little jokes (although i'd like to stop being the constant but for his divine humor)

[Miss Olivia]

Poor guy. Unfortunately, God seems to have a lot of butts.
It's no wonder the world is full of shit.
When He comes back, He'll probably play Vegas, and elevate Andrew Dice Clay to new Supreme Apostle. Whoopee cushions will abound in church, and instead of taking communion, the priest will zap you with a joy buzzer.
And nobody will be laughing but him.

[Zero]

Originally posted by Miss Olivia
Poor guy. Unfortunately, God seems to have a lot of butts.
It's no wonder the world is full of shit.
When He comes back, He'll probably play Vegas, and elevate Andrew Dice Clay to new Supreme Apostle. Whoopee cushions will abound in church, and instead of taking communion, the priest will zap you with a joy buzzer.
And nobody will be laughing but him.

\

holy shit - god really is george burns. . . damn if only we'd known!

[Miss Olivia]

LMAO it all makes sense now....

[newb]

Look on the brightside....if she thought by your appearance that you were a complete tool, she wouldn't have talked to you at all....she would have bolted.So you have that going for you...that you don't repulse woman when they look at you.
Thats a start Ray, and the next time a girl smiles at you...stick your tongue down their throat before they have a chance to speak.

[Miss Olivia]

Hmm....Newb, how often does that actually work for you?
Just curious.

[crabapple]

LOL