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#1
02-18-2006, 03:23 PM
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Kentucky Humor
My cousin sent me this...Yeah...We're all a buncha hillbillies...
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those Kentucky women. A group of Kentucky friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!" A senior at Kentucky was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Kentucky." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Kentucky because everything happens in Kentucky 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world. The young man from Kentucky came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number." NEWS FLASH! - Kentucky's worst air disaster occurred! when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Indiana students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts. A Kentucky State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?" A man in Kentucky had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."
__________________
...  If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be 
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#2
02-18-2006, 05:53 PM
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Um...er...
"Hee-Haw!"...? *Slaps knee*...? :confused:
__________________
The door opened...you got in..:rolleyes:
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#3
02-18-2006, 06:11 PM
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i hate to say it rayne... but those werent all that funny.:( i liked the id one and the airplane one though.
let's start an HDC member bluegrass band!! i call the moonshine keg!!
__________________
 Quote:
None of this is real
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#4
02-18-2006, 08:06 PM
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Quote:
__________________
http://www.unlicensedcemetery.com/
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#5
02-18-2006, 08:09 PM
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Quote:
__________________
http://www.unlicensedcemetery.com/
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#6
02-19-2006, 07:13 AM
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Quote:
The further south ya get in Kentucky, the funnier these jokes are...lol...I'm all the way at the top of the state...My cousin who sent me this is about an hour south of me, so she obviously got a kick out of it...:D
__________________
... If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be
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#7
02-19-2006, 09:42 AM
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LOL..are you fucking kidding..!!! 'crack up' cos they are not jokes.. they are the innocent and honest way kentuckararians talk and behave.
__________________
my opinion counts dammit so says my Lord :D
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#8
02-19-2006, 09:45 AM
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Quote:
__________________
... If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance...Baffle 'em with bullshit My Karma ran over my Dogma God WAS my co-pilot...But, we crashed in the mountains and...I had to eat him I'm suffocating in what's become of me... The rancid remains of what I used to be
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#9
02-19-2006, 09:48 AM
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One of the funniest, most nonsensical films ever.
__________________
MISINTUPITATED- The act of removing the spine by use of fire. DEVESTED- The removal of one's vest. SCTUPP- To deficate on a woman after nonconsensual sex.
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#10
02-19-2006, 05:25 PM
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Ive heared alot of those before, only as Newfie jokes:D. Newfies are people from Newfoundland, as Im sure there are folks here whove never heared the expression...
__________________
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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