Thy Horror Cosmic ®

[Hate_Breeder]

This is a short zombie story i wrote for the Oregon State Writing Test (CIM). Theres more too it but i havent printed off the final version yet. Feedback is appreciated and encouraged.

Thy Horror Cosmic ®

I woke to the sound of screaming and the shattering of glass. I manage to rip the blankets from my lifeless body, as i try to stand myself up. I opened the window of my New Jersey apartment, and peeked my head out. There were no people on the streets, just destruction and chaos. The streets were as if they were deceased. All i could take in was desolation. Every window was mangled and splattered with blood.

The glasses i wore at one time lay on the bathroom counter in a pool of water. The metal rims of the spectacles had a dark red tinge, although they were mettalic before. I attempted to scrape off some of the smudges on the lens but with no avail. It was of no use, the glasses were destroyed, much like this city.

My sneakers were caked in mud and the laces, frayed as i take a step into the unsuspecting wilderness that is NJ. The streets were taunting me, and i dont think i was the only one who knew it. I gently reached for my chin. I felt a strong five o' clock shadow. How long could i possibly been asleep for?

At this time i had my first encounter with one of the monsterous creatures. The demon had vacant eyes, nothing to see, no past life, just an untimely death. The thing approached me curiously, but slowly, reaching out for my throat. I studied its features a bit so i could know what i was dealing with...maybe i could find its weakness. I spotted rotting flesh, peeling away from a bloody bite wound around his neck. The blood was coagulated.

I reached into my pocket to see if i happened to have a knife, or a weapon of any sort on me. I felt a small object carress my fingers. It was a small pocket knife which i knew would come in handy sooner or later. I immediatly drove the knife deep into the cerebelum of this...this zombie. But it did not drop. The desire for the warm flesh of a human was the only thing driving this monster to continue his pursuit.

My eyes happened to come across a large shard of glass which must've fallen from the windows above. The reflective pieces were abundant and i felt safe close by. Again i struck the beast with a blow to the cranium. I saw the top of his head split as his eyelids shut and his body spasmed, as fresh blood came trickling down past his mouth, as the once living man slammed against the hardened concrete, and rested in a pool of blood.

I felt my heartbeat. Im guessing it was somewhere around 140 bps. Although the confrontation was over, i still pondered when this nightmare would end. Just then a females hand grabbed my right shoulder as i quickly spun around and embedded another shard right ear, quickly destroying the brain.

I still couldnt believe what was happening. I came across a police cruiser as i peeked through the window. What was this? An assault rifle with 2 extra clips lie in the dash. The remaining magazine had only 25 bullets left, symbolyzing a attempted escape from the mindless, walking cadaver. I wouldnt be surprised to find his corpse too among the living dead

[Hate_Breeder]

Glad to see everyone likes it :rolleyes:

[X¤MurderDoll¤X]

Originally posted by Hate_Breeder
This is a short zombie story i wrote for the Oregon State Writing Test (CIM). Theres more too it but i havent printed off the final version yet. Feedback is appreciated and encouraged.

Thy Horror Cosmic ®

I woke to the sound of screaming and the shattering of glass. I manage to rip the blankets from my lifeless body, as i try to stand myself up. I opened the window of my New Jersey apartment, and peeked my head out. There were no people on the streets, just destruction and chaos. The streets were as if they were deceased. All i could take in was desolation. Every window was mangled and splattered with blood.

The glasses i wore at one time lay on the bathroom counter in a pool of water. The metal rims of the spectacles had a dark red tinge, although they were mettalic before. I attempted to scrape off some of the smudges on the lens but with no avail. It was of no use, the glasses were destroyed, much like this city.

My sneakers were caked in mud and the laces, frayed as i take a step into the unsuspecting wilderness that is NJ. The streets were taunting me, and i dont think i was the only one who knew it. I gently reached for my chin. I felt a strong five o' clock shadow. How long could i possibly been asleep for?

At this time i had my first encounter with one of the monsterous creatures. The demon had vacant eyes, nothing to see, no past life, just an untimely death. The thing approached me curiously, but slowly, reaching out for my throat. I studied its features a bit so i could know what i was dealing with...maybe i could find its weakness. I spotted rotting flesh, peeling away from a bloody bite wound around his neck. The blood was coagulated.

I reached into my pocket to see if i happened to have a knife, or a weapon of any sort on me. I felt a small object carress my fingers. It was a small pocket knife which i knew would come in handy sooner or later. I immediatly drove the knife deep into the cerebelum of this...this zombie. But it did not drop. The desire for the warm flesh of a human was the only thing driving this monster to continue his pursuit.

My eyes happened to come across a large shard of glass which must've fallen from the windows above. The reflective pieces were abundant and i felt safe close by. Again i struck the beast with a blow to the cranium. I saw the top of his head split as his eyelids shut and his body spasmed, as fresh blood came trickling down past his mouth, as the once living man slammed against the hardened concrete, and rested in a pool of blood.

I felt my heartbeat. Im guessing it was somewhere around 140 bps. Although the confrontation was over, i still pondered when this nightmare would end. Just then a females hand grabbed my right shoulder as i quickly spun around and embedded another shard right ear, quickly destroying the brain.

I still couldnt believe what was happening. I came across a police cruiser as i peeked through the window. What was this? An assault rifle with 2 extra clips lie in the dash. The remaining magazine had only 25 bullets left, symbolyzing a attempted escape from the mindless, walking cadaver. I wouldnt be surprised to find his corpse too among the living dead

I would definately change these parts "Im guessing it was somewhere around 140 bps." and "What was this? An assault rifle with 2 extra clips lie in the dash."

It's good though. :)

[Hate_Breeder]

Originally posted by X¤MurderDoll¤X
I would definately change these parts "Im guessing it was somewhere around 140 bps." and "What was this? An assault rifle with 2 extra clips lie in the dash."

It's good though. :)

Swheet. What should i change them too?

[X¤MurderDoll¤X]

Originally posted by Hate_Breeder
This is a short zombie story i wrote for the Oregon State Writing Test (CIM). Theres more too it but i havent printed off the final version yet. Feedback is appreciated and encouraged.

Thy Horror Cosmic ®

I woke to the sound of screaming and the shattering of glass. I manage to rip the blankets from my lifeless body, as i try to stand myself up. I opened the window of my New Jersey apartment, and peeked my head out. There were no people on the streets, just destruction and chaos. The streets were as if they were deceased. All i could take in was desolation. Every window was mangled and splattered with blood.

The glasses i wore at one time lay on the bathroom counter in a pool of water. The metal rims of the spectacles had a dark red tinge, although they were mettalic before. I attempted to scrape off some of the smudges on the lens but with no avail. It was of no use, the glasses were destroyed, much like this city.

My sneakers were caked in mud and the laces, frayed as i take a step into the unsuspecting wilderness that is NJ. The streets were taunting me, and i dont think i was the only one who knew it. I gently reached for my chin. I felt a strong five o' clock shadow. How long could i possibly been asleep for?

At this time i had my first encounter with one of the monsterous creatures. The demon had vacant eyes, nothing to see, no past life, just an untimely death. The thing approached me curiously, but slowly, reaching out for my throat. I studied its features a bit so i could know what i was dealing with...maybe i could find its weakness. I spotted rotting flesh, peeling away from a bloody bite wound around his neck. The blood was coagulated.

I reached into my pocket to see if i happened to have a knife, or a weapon of any sort on me. I felt a small object carress my fingers. It was a small pocket knife which i knew would come in handy sooner or later. I immediatly drove the knife deep into the cerebelum of this...this zombie. But it did not drop. The desire for the warm flesh of a human was the only thing driving this monster to continue his pursuit.

My eyes happened to come across a large shard of glass which must've fallen from the windows above. The reflective pieces were abundant and i felt safe close by. Again i struck the beast with a blow to the cranium. I saw the top of his head split as his eyelids shut and his body spasmed, as fresh blood came trickling down past his mouth, as the once living man slammed against the hardened concrete, and rested in a pool of blood.

I felt my heartbeat. It was beating furiously as I struggled to coax out another breath. Although the confrontation was over, i still pondered when this nightmare would end. Just then a females hand grabbed my right shoulder as i quickly spun around and embedded another shard right ear, quickly destroying the brain.

I still couldnt believe what was happening. I came across a police cruiser as i peeked through the window. A savior in the form of an assault rifle, I quickly grabbed the extra clips that lay in the dash. The remaining magazine had only 25 bullets left, symbolyzing a attempted escape from the mindless, walking cadaver. I wouldnt be surprised to find his corpse too among the living dead

I changed the two parts. I don't know about the second part, I'd still definately change it to something else though. I can't really explain why I really don't like them though...

[Hate_Breeder]

Originally posted by X¤MurderDoll¤X
I changed the two parts. I don't know about the second part, I'd still definately change it to something else though. I can't really explain why I really don't like them though...

Very well done sweetheart ;)

[evil_blonde]

That's really awesome. You're a good writer. :)

[Hate_Breeder]

Originally posted by evil_blonde
That's really awesome. You're a good writer. :)

Thanks dawg. Fancy seeing you here for once ;)

[ItsAlive75]

It's weird, I'm in a writing class and somebody wrote a zombie stroy for it.

Be careful, because right now it seems to be all action and nothing inside the narrator's head. You said there was more to the story, but right now I don't know anything about your character except that he's in most likely the biblical apocalypse.

There's my tidbit.

[Hate_Breeder]

Originally posted by ItsAlive75
It's weird, I'm in a writing class and somebody wrote a zombie stroy for it.

Be careful, because right now it seems to be all action and nothing inside the narrator's head. You said there was more to the story, but right now I don't know anything about your character except that he's in most likely the biblical apocalypse.

There's my tidbit.

Theres an awesome twist at the end. I mentioned it in another thread i think in the Horror Filmmakers forum. The ending is much like the ending of the Night Flier...but different..