I had off work tonight and found a bad movie on YouTube.
...So you guys are getting spoiled with
two reviews tonight!
-
Mexican Werewolf in Texas
(This one's on YouTube!)
They took the climatic reveal of the werewolf away within the first five seconds after the opening credits (which had a really rad song). That's no fun, now what will I look forward to? Certainly not all the racism and bad acting.
Just so you guys know, tents make bad shelter from Mexican werewolves.
Then the chupacabra hunter shows up. He talks so fast it's like the actor is trying to get through his lines as fast as possible to get his time in this done and over with as fast as possible.
The kids have the bright idea to hunt the werewolf/chupacabra by using a goat as bait. One of the kids wearing some of it's blood like facepaint to lure it out. ...Then going off with his girlfriend to shag in the tumbleweeds. Smart. I'm sure you can guess what happens to these two from here.
Typical idiot blond SOMEHOW got away. Why. For the love of GOD... The Cops come across her in a booth with her girlfriends and she's just fine. She wonders if Tommy thought of her as he was getting mauled when the local law enforcement ask her what happened. As she's explaining, the movie flashes back FIVE FUCKING MINUTES. We were there, movie! The flashbacks WERE NOT needed.
The vet and his round table of buddies is approached by his (I'm assuming) assistant. She asks if she can take care of a call to help a backed up cow if she can have the next morning off and he agrees. As she walks away the vet comments how she'll make a great vet someday. Did you call it like I did that she wouldn't even make it to the end of the movie? Yes? Aren't you clever.
Locals and law enforcement start to panic and go hunting and naturally they panic over nothing and one of them ends up shooting one of their own in the leg. Brilliant. That's about as smart as WolfCop's annual 'Drink and Shoot'.
A few characters that are a bit entertaining are relatives of the main character. An old dude with a hearing aid that either works too well or not at all, and a fat guy with an eye patch who looks after him. The older guy is much smarter than the younger was. Cars apparently make better shelters, he lives to tell a great story about the "chuchuqueera" ripping Patchy the Redneck to pieces. They flashback again naturally for this.
Cut to the racist parents doing dishes together. And by that I mean she bitches and whines and he holds a fork over her back for a contemplating moment. Do it. We both know you want to.
These scenes can get so random. Cut to some bitch stopping at the butcher only for him to ALMOST rape her which went nowhere and suddenly the chupacabra comes out of nowhere to eat him while she uses furniture as a shield. Yes. Hide behind a chair. Noooo way it can get you there.
Next day racist dad discovers his daughter her bf talking over a walkie talkie wave length using a radio. He throws some stuff in a bag and takes off. In the middle of the desert he reveals he's got a suit of fur and a fork... That's more unsettling than creepy. Moron approaches the shack where the boy's staked out and gets himself shot at. Chupey thankfully finds him first and he gets softly mauled.
I love this movie's solution to a car stall cliche. Chupacabra attacks and one of the girls screams to distract it, so naturally the blond flashes it. I just love the look on the things face. It actuallly worked. the fucker just stands and stares for a moment like, "What. What do I do? Do I eat it?"
Truck starts up, they run it over a few times, racist dad tries to stab the vet who picked him up when he found him on the side of the road, only to be tranqued by the chupecabra hunter who just didn't need to be in this movie at ALL.
Happy ending yada yada yada jump scare.