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Originally Posted by Sculpt
Sorry the designer turned you down. Did he actually say he was looking for someone more feminine? (I can break his legs for you. ;) ). If not, what made you think that?
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LOL that won't be nescesarry :D Yeah, he did... we had been pretty friendly for some time, so I think he felt the need to give me the "I like you, but..." explanation. And, fair enough... I didn't resent him for it or anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sculpt
(Please pardon me if anyone perceives this as a tangent)
I don't doubt that. Still, I suppose it depends on what you consider superficial. It may be men and women have different ideas on what is superficial.
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That is probably one of those truths that many, especially woman, just don't want to accept. That's what I think I was mentioning earlier when I said that equality does not nescesarily mean that men and woman have to be exactly alike - and that's what I meant by saying that one gender isn't better than the other, so I don't think one has the right to punish the other. But - I'm repeating myself here - again, we're making a generalisation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sculpt
I extraordinarily respect people who seek out a spouse with no regard to how sexually attracted they are to the other's appearance. I admit I'm not going to court (date to marry) someone I'm not sexually attracted to. I'm not going to assume I can overcome my "sexual repulsion" of them in a marriage relationship. I don't think it would be fair to them. And even if they didn't want sexual contact, I still would. I realize a spouses appearance can change, but I think the root of sexual attraction would still be there.
I should note, sexual attraction would certainly not be my only consideration for dating or marrying someone.
Is sexual attraction superficial?
I think most would say that's the most superficial item there is; probably because appearance is often equated with "surface". I think it's superficial to a friendship, but not to a marriage.
Just for fun, an online dictionary defines superficial as:
1. Of, affecting, or being on or near the surface: a superficial wound.
2. Concerned with or comprehending only what is apparent or obvious; shallow.
3. Apparent rather than actual or substantial: a superficial resemblance.
4. Trivial; insignificant: made only a few superficial changes in the manuscript.
Considering my understanding and plan for marriage, referencing the 4th definition, sexual attraction wouldn't be insignificant to me, and thus wouldn't be superficial.
Many say a higher portion of women do not consider sexual attraction to their potential spouse as an important consideration. But I wonder how many of those same women would equally not care if their potential spouse had no sexual attraction to them?
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I get what you're saying, and I don't disagree, actually. It's like I said, I can sound a bit cynical at times, but I was simply stating the fact (or what I think is a "fact", at least) that we're all at least at some level superficial - if that is the correct word.
You ask, IS it being superficial? Well - in a way yes, but if it's human nature, we can't really change it, and if we can't, then what good does it do us to blame each other for it? However, when it comes to judging someone on their income, as many woman in particular do, I have to admit that I find that extremely shallow... although of course, who am I to say what they should look for in a partner.
I think we, especially us woman, have an unrealistic idea of what romance is and should be... and I'm the first to admit that I would absolutely love it if my prince charming existed, but I am enough of a realist to know that he doesn't - if it makes any sense to explain it like that. There is the reality that we would like to be real, and then there's the actual reality that isn't quite as cute.
The fact is that if it was all about personality, which is a beautiful thought, we would all be pansexual. The difference between a close friend and a partner IS the sexual attraction.
BUT... I HAVE also experienced that feelings, including physical attraction, CAN develop even though you initially didn't feel anything at all and never thought you would. I've seen people whom I even considered unattractive turn into "hunks" right in front of my eyes.
Still, I'm 36, and I've kind of had to learn to accept that I can't attract a better half the way I happen to look. If I couldn't when I was 25, then I sure as hell can't now that age is starting to creep up on me. It sucks, to put it mildly, because I am the ultimate "nest builder" and never really wanted anything more than my own family. But - do I resent men for it? No, absolutely not... you can't blame anyone for what they're not attracted to. But a lot of woman choose to call it mysogyny.