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Recipe for pain
1 battery powered 6" blade circular saw
*we recommend Dewalt 24volt*
1 Burnzomatic torch with electronic ignition
1 box *50 count* flexible straws (no it doesnt have to be flexible but they are so damned convenient)
1 roll of Duct tape
*we recommend 3M because the other shit just doesnt work*
1 wooden chair *metal works too, but something about the burning wood smell gets me all nostalgic and shit*
1 small jar of vicks vapor rub
1 cheap box fan *youre only going to use it once no point in wasting serious money*
1 victim *preferably a fighter*
1 sadist
With victim bound firmly in place using the duct tape to the wooden chair, begin by teasingly igniting the torch to remove the hair from their head. Yes it will stink but thats what ya use the Vicks for. Right about now they are either VERY VERY pissed off or extremely eager to negotiate.... either way doesnt really matter since the end goal is predetermined.
mmmmm fire up the saw, you dont want to cut with full RPM's as this will make too clean of a cut, you want to fire it up and just as it winds down set the blade to the upper thigh. RIPPPPPPPPP nice gash. Uh oh better stop that bleeding. Remove one straw from box and neatly lay in wound. Ignite torch once again using it to melt the plastic into the wound sealing it up nicely for the time being. If you do this right, in the end you will be able to remelt the straws so that they flow into the next wound creating a rather neat kinda flesh/plastic art something or other... *hey if you arent going to appreciate your work then dont bother*
now hopefully your victim *if you chose a fighter* is screaming obscenities like a banshee at you about now. Something about eating your liver, killing your family etc etc etc yada yada yada... Go ahead and smack them just for spite.... Now take that handy dandy torch *that works well for firing up a smoke if you are so inclined* and make one more pass to get the plastic and the wounds good and hot. Scoop out the rest of the Vicks Vapor rub and quickly rub it all over the wounds, right about now your eyes should be watering from the vapors now turn on that fan and let that menthol do its stuff........
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