If You Don't Like It. . . You hate the troops. Why don't you just park a truck bomb outside your local VFW, you ingrate?
In Your Defense: The film's portrayal of a reckless madcap as the leader of a unit tasked with the most sensitive duty of the Iraq War is rubbish to vets. That the makers took such liberties and the movie was still boring to many folks deserves its own award. Feel free to display a yellow ribbon and trash this movie on Facebook.
Same Goes For: Saving Private Ryan, Platoon.
If You Don't Like It. . . You're a tree mugger. You hate fluffy bunnies and transparent water and you poop smoldering coal.
In Your Defense: Who is this movie for? If you're a champion of the environment, you already know this stuff. If you're a climate-change infidel, you'll never watch this stuff. Sort your recyclables and reuse a plastic bag and you can dump this from your Netflix queue with a clear conscience.
Same Goes For: Avatar.
If You Don't Like It. . . You're a gun-humping cave patriot who never thinks of the children.
In Your Defense: Filmmaker Michael Moore is equal parts entertainer and documentarian, often bending insinuations to his chubby will. He even chastised a politically sympathetic, but factually dogmatic, Roger Ebert for saying so. You can abhor universal access to tank-piercing bullets and still duck this flick.
Same Goes For: Boyz n the Hood.
If You Don't Like It. . . You're a cudgel-carrying member of the He-Man Woman Hater's Club.
In Your Defense: In its effort to challenge repressive gender stereotypes, this picture boldly features 1. Madonna as a tramp, 2. Lori Petty as an insecure whiner and 3. Rosie O'Donnell as the annoying one. You needn't feel guilty for crapping on this movie, then kissing your mother with the same mouth.
Same Goes For: Thelma and Louise.
If You Don't Like It. . . You're a baby killer, the fifth horseman of the prenatal apocalypse.
In Your Defense: Someone actually wrote into this script the words "honest to blog." Of all the things a woman's decision to have a child or not may be—personal, emotional, agonizing—insufferably cute isn't one of them. By all means, have a baby. Just don't feel obligated to show her this movie.
Same Goes For: Waitress, Bella.
(Contd.)