Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc Faustus
I'm sure there are horror fiction forums for 11 year olds to post their stuff. If you are 11 and want critiques of your work taking into account that you are 11, please post that you are 11. If you are not 11, then your language is awkward, you do nothing to engage the reader and your narrator is nebulous and possesses only one personality trait. If you're going to give somebody 200 words you have to make them work.
"The skin taker is eight feet tall with flaky puke green skin, rotten breath and a single glowing eye in the middle of his forehead. He wears a bowler hat and and a spotless black Victorian longcoat and carries a large black briefcase and a doctor's bag full of instruments. Nobody knows who he is, why he keeps the skins or wear he got the bizarre medical equipment he uses to peel them off. Nobody knows because I made him up to scare my brother. My brother was an insufferable pest and I was tired of him following me around. "
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Thanks for the tips, but the description of the monster is trivial and I don't think most children would use words like "insufferable" even through internal dialogue. I'm not in the business of waving around an english major, I'm in the business of writing stories that I hope people will enjoy. If I sound 11 than that is terrific because that is how old the girl in my story is, her brother is around 7 years old. My story isn't about a scary creature and how scary it is, give me more credit than that.
I'm going to try to keep expanding the story 200 words at a time. I would appreciate more constructive criticism because each one of these entries will be rushed and need to be rewritten. I appreciate you taking the time to critique, doc_faustus. I also enjoyed your description of the made-up monster.