[milktoaste]

I'm not real keen on the opening yet, the entire scene with your main character at his typewriter felt too slow. Then your character didn't stay very consistent, first he's nearly deaf from gun fire (I'm guessing from shootouts with bad guys) the next he's reacting like a rookie who just saw his first dead body. Police actually have tips and tricks to help them deal with that kind of stress- like telling telling jokes to help them keep their head on straight. Generally, even at the worst crime scenes, law members won't lose their cool till much later.

If I could make a suggestion it would be to start the story at the crime scene, maybe start with a few details (not more than two or three sentences) and then have your detective/super-cop arrive on scene. If he has an issue with blood and dead bodies, let him say so with a bit of dialogue even if it's only in his head. Maybe he's run out of his meds, maybe he thinks he knows the victim.

Those curtains, the smashed furniture, the blood; the stench was enough to turn a mans stomach, but over it all I swear I can still smell lilacs. Isn't that the smell she wore, damn my head these days. The scene was so out of place, as if the killer had taken his time, deliberately painting the walls with every drop of her blood. I can feel the small pill bottle in my coat pocket, I give it a shake just to be sure-yep, still empty. I guess I'll have a smoke instead.