LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Police were stunned when they entered the brangelina residence earlier today to find the corpse of beloved actor Brad Pitt hanging from a chandelier with his broken ribcage barely clinging to what remained of the actors once sculptured chest. Even more shocking was what they discovered in the back of the room behind the actor, bones were piled up at the foot of the staircase and were later discovered to be those of his 6 children Maddox,Pax,Zahara,Shiloh,Knox, and Vivienne.
Actor Billy Bob Thornton was outside of the house the night before, walking his dog. During this time he claims to have heard what could only be the screams of Brad Pitt as he devoured his own children in what police are speculating to be part of a bizarre satanic ritual. According to eye witness accounts, Mr. Thornton then charged into the house, ripped out mr.pitt's ribcage with his bare hands, then proceeded to have crazy monkey sex with ex-wife Angelina Joli on top of the body. At some point after or during the crazy monkey sex (at this time police are unsure) the body was thrown on top of the chandelier. Police attempted to question a visibly shaken Angelina Joli but she was despondent and seemed to be in her own world as she muttered to herself about never wanting kids and cursing brad's hunger for children. Billy Bob Thorton was not available for questioning, he was too busy being awesome.
