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WOW - I second Doc's sentiment: There's some cool, original and disgusting stuff here. - To say the least.
In terms of criticism:
The tenses get a little confusing at times (but maybe "confusing" isn't the right word; I am just generally wary of pieces written in the present tense), and sometimes the voice switches from third person to first...
But, for a short horror fiction story, that's great. You should send it out for submissions. Seriously.
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