[Doc Faustus]

I'm going to be honest with you. This is hackneyed. Other than the fact that he has a laptop, this might have appeared in the Saturday Evening Post in 1930something. The only thing this could convey is pathos and it doesn't do much with that. My advice for you is to go character first. Come up with a person you'd like to write about and then build a situation around them that makes sense for them. Take bigger risks, find stronger poetry. And read more.