[Halfpastundead]

Originally Posted by Doc Faustus

Burton, crippled by awkwardness and possibly mesmerized by a swirling striped object in the distance, would take several minutes to realize he was indeed in a fight. Scorcese would use this time to break his knees with a tire iron. Depp would try desperately to find a realistic reaction to his colleague's crippling. He would select crying. DiCaprio, not to be outacted, would cry as well. Scorcese would come to his senses and give the little snot the smackdown. When Di Caprio hits the ground, Depp would start kicking him, realizing that he might have an opportunity to endear himself to a director who might stop casting him as wacky outcasts and allow him to act. Burton would crawl off to write a poem about how Scorcese misunderstood him, possibly personifying himself as a lanky manicdepressive made out of grahamcrackers. Scorcese would tire of Depp' s silly posturing and cripple him as well. A triumphant Scorcese would make a documentary on David Bowie as Burton would begin work on Graham Crackers Mc Gee of Spookytown Hollow. Depp would (literally) come crawling back, believing himself capable of playing the part using method acting to recall his beating at the hands of Scorcese. He wouldn't be, but nonetheless, Burton will get an Oscar nod and make trillions in merchandising from Hot Topic. Scorcese's Bowie documentary will go largely ignored. Winner: Scorcese. Real winner: Tim Burton. Super duper loser: the American moviegoer.

Well said, I can picture it all happening. Looking forward to Dark Shadows though.