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5. "Heaven's Gate" (1980, United Artists)
Budget: $44 million
U.S. Box Office: $3 million
The Plot: If you can untangle the epic plot, give yourself a prize. This much we know: Michael Cimino directed this Western based on the 19th-century Johnson County wars. It stars Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken, John Hurt, Sam Waterston and Isabelle Huppert. Beyond that, you're on your own.
Turkey Trivia: The film's original budget of $11.5 million ballooned as the out-of-control and unsupervised Cimino shot and reshot. The egomaniacal auteur, whose contract stipulated that the film be no longer than three hours, ended up shooting 1.5 million feet of film, enough for several feature-length movies. The original cut, which debuted in New York, clocked in at nearly four hours and was eviscerated by critics.
What the Critics Said: "An unqualified disaster." --Vincent Canby, the New York Times
The Aftermath: The massive failure of "Heaven's Gate" forced the fire sale of United Artists to MGM. It also helped usher in a new era of corporate bean-counting, marking the end of a decade of groundbreaking cinema. Cimino, who had earned so much good will (not to mention a Best Director Oscar) for "Deer Hunter," became persona non grata in Tinseltown and was reduced to making lousy movies ("Desperate Hours," "Year of the Dragon") with a post-fame Mickey Rourke.
4. "The Postman" (1997, Warner Bros.)
Budget: $80 million to $100 million
U.S. Box Office: $17.6 million
The Plot: In a post-apocalyptic future, a Shakespeare-quoting mail carrier (Costner, who also directed) leads mankind to rebel against its oppressors. A grateful nation repays the messiah-like postal worker by erecting a massive statue in his image. Is it any wonder audiences guffawed at the riotously earnest trailer, which contained such clunkers as, "I don't think we ever really understood what letters meant to us until they were gone."
Turkey Trivia: In addition to putting three of his kids in the three-hour-plus movie, Costner took a page from Bruce Willis' handbook and showed off his vocal skills (or lack thereof) by dueting with Amy Grant on Lovin' Spoonful's "You Didn't Have To Be So Nice" over the closing credits. We're guessing the six people who actually sat through the credits weren't impressed.
What the Critics Said: "Goofy and gee-whiz when it isn't being post-apocalyptic glum, it is such an earnest hodgepodge that only by imagining 'Mad Max' directed by Frank Capra can you get even an inkling of what it's like." -- Kenneth Turan, the Los Angeles Times
The Aftermath: Costner's post-"Dances With Wolves" directorial follow-up seriously cramped Warner Bros. earnings in 1997 and swept the Razzies, winning Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay and Worst Song. Onetime golden boy Costner continued to make bad choices, including such duds as "3000 Miles to Graceland" and "Dragonfly."
3. "Town & Country" (2001, New Line)
Budget: $85 million to $90 million
U.S. Box Office: $6.7 million
The Plot: Peter Chelsom, who previously helmed the Sharon Stone dud "The Mighty," directs this middle-aged sex comedy starring Warren Beatty and Garry Shandling as very married men caught cheating on their wives (Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn).
Turkey Trivia: If the words "middle-aged sex comedy" weren't enough to scare off audiences, then the long-term bad buzz probably was. Three years in the making, "Town" went into production without a script, a surefire recipe for disaster. Soon, its original $40 million budget was spiraling as the flick went through rewrite after rewrite, with Chelsom reportedly shooting a Cimino-worthy 1.3 million feet of film. The studio, which had bumped the film's release date a whopping 13 times, made a last-ditch attempt to reach its target market — women over 25 — by running a rare profanity-filled "red band" trailer before R-rated movies. It didn't work.
What the Critics Said: "It is one of the most chaotic and puerile movies ever made, full of tasteless adultery and some downright offensive vulgarity ... It is awful to see talented stars without a clue as to who they are supposed to be portraying or what they are supposed to be doing." -- Liz Smith, the New York Post
The Aftermath: Chelsom, who's currently directing Jennifer Lopez and Richard Gere in "Shall We Dance," remains bitter about the experience, telling the Post, "Warren insisted on dozens of script changes and reshoots. He now wants to pretend that he was just one of many actors following directions like everyone else. It's ridiculous and insulting." Beatty, who dropped out of Quentin Tarantino's upcoming "Kill Bill," hasn't made a movie since "Town & Country."
2. "Cutthroat Island" (1995, MGM/Carolco)
Budget: $100 million-plus
U.S. Box Office: $9.9 million
The Plot: A swashbuckling Geena Davis hits the high seas opposite Matthew Modine in a pirate movie directed by Renny Harlin. 'Nuff said.
Turkey Trivia: Michael Douglas was originally tapped to play the male lead, but jumped ship after Davis' role was bulked up by hubby Harlin. Keanu Reeves, Liam Neeson, Jeff Bridges, Ralph Fiennes, Charlie Sheen and Michael Keaton all reportedly turned down the role before Modine signed on. Among the little extras that helped push the original $65 million budget past the $100 million mark: Harlin commissioned — at a million bucks each — working replicas of battle-ready 17th-century ships.
What the Critics Said: "'Cutthroat Island' is a bloated, jokey production whose motto, no doubt tattooed on the back of some poor assistant director's neck, could well be, 'When in doubt, blow something up.'" -- Kenneth Turan, the Los Angeles Times
The Aftermath: "Cutthroat" failed to shiver anyone's timbers: It was yanked from theaters after a mere two-week run. Carolco, the company that financed the dead-in-the-water movie, went down with the ship. A year later, Davis and Harlin re-teamed for "The Long Kiss Goodnight," which also failed to ignite the box office. A year after that, the couple split up.
1. "The Adventures of Pluto Nash" (2002, Warner Bros.)
Budget: $90 million to $100 million
U.S. Box Office: $4.4 million
The Plot: Eddie Murphy is a suave nightclub owner tussling with the mob. Oh yeah, it's the year 2087, and his bar is on the moon.
Turkey Trivia: "Nash," which had been in development since 1980, sat on the shelf for two years before crash-landing in theaters. Murphy refused to promote it, though we can hardly blame him. What could he say about a movie whose trailer begins, "Somewhere between Earth and Uranus, you'll find Pluto Nash"?
What the Critics Said: "Eddie Murphy delivers his lines with that weirdly relaxed, fake-enthusiastic bonhomie that telegraphs, just below the surface, a what-am-I-doing-here? bafflement desperate enough to match Elvis Presley's in his worst bombs." -- Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly
The Aftermath: "Pluto" took in a paltry $2.2 million in its opening weekend, with Variety's Peter Bart declaring it "Instant Ishtar" and adding that its opening "seemed more like a boycott than a bow." Murphy followed up with back-to-back bombs "I Spy" and "Showtime" before retreating to the safety of the kiddie genre, where he hit with "Daddy Day Care."
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