Quote:
Originally Posted by missmacabre
Yeah. For me eating healthy isn't to stay skinny, it's to gain weight. You've really gotta be careful about that stuff. *venting* I weighed 120 lbs in grade 8 at 5'2" and felt chubby so I sorta stopped eating and started over exercising once I was in high school. I would throw out my breakfast when no one was looking, drink a pop for lunch to keep enough energy to last me until supper time, then have a big meal. I was on the dance team and improv. team and I had to be in front of the whole school so I always worked out and rarely ate, especially in public. I felt guilty for eating food. By the end of grade 9 I was 5'3" and weighed 87 lbs. Ended up passing out in gym class once and had to have a teacher watch me eat lunch after that which was humiliating.
Now I say I eat healthy so that I can maintain a steady weight between 105-110 lbs. I was so proud of myself over the summer because I felt really okay with myself and finally figured out guys aren't gonna think I'm ugly for having curves. (It's rather the opposite.) I put up posters of pinups in my room to remind me of that and got my weight up to 115lbs. Then I got the flu and stopped eating for a bit when I got fired and lost 10lbs in 2 weeks. I also have an irregular heart beat sometimes from losing so much weight.
Back up to almost 110 now though :D Moral of the story is don't go crazy to be skinny. Uber-skinny leads to heart problems.
|
well that's awesome that you're healthy now and trying to maintain. I went through a bit of depression when I was about 15/16 and lost all appetite so I would go days without eating more than some soda crackers. It seems so crazy to me now and I'm ashamed of all of the bad things I did to myself back then. I was a cutter and a loner. I cried on a daily basis. My dad caught me and intervened I had to go to a group therapy or be placed in a ward. They said I had major depression and dysthymic disorder. I was put on anti depressants which didn't work and the therapy only caused more problems with me and my family and I felt like I was being brainwashed. I got into some more trouble and then I moved out and back into my moms house which was even more drama due to the environment and underlying issues. I left there and went to my aunts and then I moved on my own. Couldn't afford it so I moved back. Now I'm on my own again. I feel fine. I still have emotional break downs but I'm not stupid. I don't hurt myself but I do think I have anger problems resulting from build up from all of my baggage. My poor boyfriend has to put up with my rampages. My life has always had some kind of drama awaiting. But I don't think much people would appreciate me posting my whole life story so I guess I should end here.