Out of town, unfamiliar food there last night...been feeling a bit off but now you're sure due to, er, embarrassing symptoms.
Any doc will give you a cert, just tell them you've got cold sweats and sudden bursts of needing to take a shit, a shit that comes out more liquid than solid.
Make sure to just subtly throw in towards the beginning "yeah I'm here off work".
I don't think too many ever want to pry into that.
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It's not the bullet with your name on it you have to worry about...it's all those other ones marked
"to whom it may concern."
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