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Old 11-11-2007, 03:57 PM
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Zero Zero is offline
whatever gets you through
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: In a big tree
Posts: 7,871
to be totally honest i found some of the line-by-line writing to be too wordy and awkward. almost trying too hard to be poetic.

overall a lovely tone - but i'd recommend working for a mix of sentence structures (also there are some awkward tense-shifts)
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