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the formatting helps a great deal. it's much easier to read.
the story doesn't really grip me, but it seems to be the story you want to tell and you should always stick with the story you want to tell.
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"Little, vicious minds abound with anger and revenge, and are incapable of feeling the pleasure of forgiving their enemies."
Earl of Chesterfield
"A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well."
Francis Bacon
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