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I'm no expert, but I have read the first script you posted, and all of the reveiws, and I can't really add anything new. I'll read the revised one later, don't have time now. Good job though.
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You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
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